Calvin S. Cato

THE. TRUTH. Facebook really isn’t as cesspool-y as Xwitter. You can change some minds on there.

2026: It's like 2025 but now I know how bad the shit show will be.

Does anyone remember that episode of Black Mirror where there were bees who attacked people who used that hashtag #DeathTo? Can we have that but for people who voted for Donald Trump?

Hey @marvelsnap.bsky.social are you really allowing players to name themselves shit like this??? Do you not have word filters? Ban this asshole and do better.

Before I realized this video was talking about the movie "Men," I thought "Baby, it's gonna take A LOT LONGER than 15 minutes to sum up everything wrong with men."

Hot gay take: If you have to bottom, you shouldn't have to host. Don't ask someone to clean their hole AND their apartment. Pick a struggle.

I swear women will be like “Please just respect me” and men will go “How dare you! You’re infringing on my rights! I’m buying 5,000 guns and planning a mass murder!”

PSA: People are allowed to find white comedians not funny without being accused of trying to “cancel” said comedians or be “super-woke.” Like, there are people who don’t find me funny and I wouldn’t accuse them of racism. Sometimes, comedians are objectively unfunny and fail upwards. Shrug.

I rant about this because you should all understand that Elon Musk is the absolute dumbest fucking idiot alive and too many of y'all voted for this idiocy.

Second, great-circle paths are the most efficient paths to travel on a sphere. This is shit I learned in HIGH SCHOOL!

First of all, planes have to avoid inclement weather and mountains and shit.

There's a lot about this US shitshow that pisses me off but it's the basic science/math dumbassery that breaks me. This whole thing about Elon Musk asking why planes don't fly in straight lines is just...I can't. A thread:

“You can build all the dick rockets you want to go to Mars while you try to leave the rest of us on the burning Earth. We’re gonna take control. This is our world, and it’s our government, and it’s our money.”

— Sara Nelson, Association of Flight Attendants president

Here’s the ad Bezos and the Washington Post killed. Let’s make sure we give it some wings.

Dear media: Please stop publishing articles about Trump supporters saying "This isn't what I voted for." This is EXACTLY what they voted for. That's like saying "I'm shocked that my boyfriend Cheaty McSyphilis was unfaithful and gave me STIs." Stop being dumb.

REM was way off base about how I’d feel at the end of the world.

Lol okay. The NYT could have called this White People We Found Funny This Year (And Some POC So You Won't Complain). I just find it interesting that only the white people make the feature paragraph.
Mmmmm hmmmmm.

Sincerely hope this tweet is true.

My life is a lot like the movie Home Alone in that I wake up each morning, realize I have to be responsible for myself, and scream loudly.

You know you work for a majority-white company when the Slack messages contain at least 10 different GIFs from the show Friends.

Hey new folks! I am doing a one-person show December 13 at 9:30 pm at Pangea NYC (178 2 Ave, NY NY). It’ll be a mix of dating themed stand-up and storytelling with piano! Please come and validate this flyer I made. Go to www.pangeanyc.com for tickets.

Jonathan Majors and Meagan Good are engaged?? John Krasinski is People’s Sexiest Man??? Matt Gaetz may be AG???? Okay, who went back in time and stepped on a butterfly and fucked up the timeline?

What I brought to parties as a kid: “I’ll bring board games!”
What I brought to parties as a young adult: “I’ll bring alcohol!”
What I bring to parties now: “I’ll bring board games AND alcohol!”

It’s so annoying when I read posts claiming that “leftists just want to see America fail.” I very much don’t want it to fail. Here are my thoughts.

Dear white people, bring back randomly Venmo-ing your Black friends $20 out of guilt. You know exactly why.

I’m just waiting to see the finalized list of the unwashed legs brigade of incompetent fools Donald Trump is going to bring into the White House. I hope Biden puts plastic wrap on all the furniture before he goes.

I am so sick of this discourse. The question isn't whether random left-wing people do irritating things. The question is why Democrats are held responsible for the actions of the fringe left while Republicans are not held responsible for the actions of the fringe right.

By the way I will still be on Twitter to keep an eye on the crazies but I’ll only be posting variations of the phrase “Fuck Elon Musk” every. Single. Day. Until I get banned.

Wow I didn’t even know I signed up for this a year ago. I was ahead of the Twitter collapse curve!

I swear, I join every new social media app like I’m a freshman in high school. I go hoping to be popular then work my way to the middle and finally I realize I can’t wait to leave this place.