Charles Louis Richter

completely empty store shelves. not a thing on them, but the shop is pristine

rod and tod flanders say "Yaaay! Imagination Christmas!" while ned flanders looks on with a bandaid covering his nude upper lip

meanwhile there's broken glass everywhere at Sam Huntington's Clash of Civilizations

someone got a new channel knife

The only one who could ever reach me /

Was the son of a…

A frothy-topped cocktail in a double old fashioned glass with a long curling lime peel garnish and a cherry on a skewer

Paul of the Jungle, à la Jeff Berry

i cannot stress enough that if you know anything about how kristi noem found out she was fired you must tell me

i mean he's the spitting image of the god they worship

this isn't cute or funny; i'm an expert on these creatures, and christofascists only do this when their god-king is weak or dying

and in every history channel special he's watched and every clearance rack photo book he's flipped through in his studies, the totenkopf has been ubiquitous

hey buddy what were issued standard along with those little SS letters

boomers will try to claim they've never seen a nazi totenkopf in their lives like they didn't grow up watching hogan's heroes, a show in which the totenkopf-wearing SS officer is considered the bad guy even by the other nazi characters

you uhhhhh haven't studied it very hard

kristi noem commits the card to memory, pulls her cap brim low to hide her face, and cocks a silenced pistol

Markywayney Markwayne and the Funkywayne Bunchwayne

MR. GARVEY: "Markwayne?"

Markwayne is actually a noble title, and is the Oklahoma equivalent to "Marquis," and may be passed on at the same time your father gives you his car dealership

for a moment i thought this was a photo my wife took when she catalogued the museum of menstruation collection

i see a lot of vintage menstrual products, is what i'm saying

three panels from Achewood. Panel 1: Todd, a picth black squirrel wearing a necktie, has his hands on a desk and is shocked by something. Panel 2. Quivering, with his hands on his head, Todd says "OH...OH MY GOD! THE...THE PERFECT THING TO SAY, EVER!" Panel 3: Todd's head explodes with a SPLUT!

I'm worried when Kristi Noem finds out she's been fired she's going to become America's first obedience school shooter.

i think the odds are good that markwayne will break with senate tradition and vote in his own confirmation hearing

even odds whether he remembers is yea or nay is good

you mean the regular volk

in a post-credit scene, Dan Crenshaw appears in Noem's apartment and tells her he's putting a team together

welp

he'll have to work hard to find someone worse but i trust that the president will be able to do it

they're not calling them veryspecificclearmissionandoperationfighters

the most exciting thing that happened at my other grampa's work was it blew up

"i'll give you something to cry about" as medical advice

for his service promoting french culture in the united states, professor grampa was named a chevalier dans l'ordre des palmes académiques

Professor of French and Spanish Literature
Oil company owner (in the sense of a company that sold and reclaimed automobile lubrication)