(Ꮚ•̀ꈊ•́Ꮚ)

This year I'm going to install an app

ive been thinking about this cat image for days sorry i dont even remember where it's from

raid tier

I once held in a sneeze and it destroyed my body and soul

mayor katie wilson is turning denny blaine into a beach that makes you old

You "machine washed" this? Yeah, sure. You think I'm stupid? Machines can only make things dirtier.

The more you use this blanket the more fluffier it will get. I am like this too.

i dunno how long i've kept this profile pic but i am DEEPLY dedicated to the bit at this point it carried over from twt i am NEVER changing it. i had to dig up the old file when i made this account which was scary

Many doctors are innovating in being nice at the same time. It's the best medicine they say

I once got so scared I lost all my redeeming qualities

literally 4.5 records in various stages of cooking rn fuck my life i should just pick one and finish it

I am for sure onto something because they keep sending assassins after me who say I know too much. Like yay

What's the right outfit to communicate to the mechanic "I know there's a piece of my car missing but I can definitely drive normally"

I need to paint a "Landscape with Self-Portrait"

I'm a big believer in philosophy. Thinking about things and stuff

i see my reputation as an evil mastermind precedes me and has maybe decided this job interview before it's really begun

The concerts will continue until I bankrupt myself I guess but I would like people to be nice to me also... I do try very hard to be nice in return... I think

U know it's like if I find a way to put good in the world I'm gonna keep doing it bc that's most important but it would feel nice to do all this at huge personal cost and feel like ppl didn't fucking hate me in return for completely unknowable reasons u feel

I am low-key genuinely pretty lonely in Seattle after five years but I kinda know at this point I'm not enjoyed in a lot of spaces even if I don't really understand why. Am I really that unpleasant to be around I try very hard not to be

It's important that I keep the facade as intact as possible. We are acting together... This is an interactive play on the world wide web

I type a lot of long tweet threads here and then I delete them before I send them. For the benefit of you, my followers... I edited out this subplot...

Yayy!

Scientists have yet to determine if I'm very mean or very nice

i think it's kinda funny to show up to every rave in the same blazer type thing but i worry about how "person who wears blazers to rave things" comes off. but i literally do work like im actually there on business so!!! i think im allowed to be that person in that case

whatever

It's all about appearances in this town full of people who look at you

Putting it all in the microwave dangerous bowl and getting ready for the meal of a lifetime

The first time a baby falls asleep do you think that's really scary? Like oh fuck I'm getting the uncontrollable urge to close my eyes and destroy the whole world

I just had a technological breakthrough. Should I tell anyone

One of the most loved horror tropes is "wrong amount of people in mirror." Extra person? That's bad. Too few people? That's also no good.