David Parsons

Wait do you? I’m alerting the authorities.

Big Colin Robinson vibes

Good evening from Harlem

Amazing. Yet another slapdash rule that leaves my partner in turmoil and contemplating getting on a plane.

Grandpa is getting lost so they're labeling the doors.

So let’s recap: 1 supposed “military chief,” 4 human beings of no importance, and 28 others with limbs blasted off for fun.

Hard Abby vibes

Can someone switch grandpa’s phone out with a Jitterbug?

Amazing that Elon could pay this and still have $300b to burn.

Oh, he’s always been pretty lame in my book.

You guys are ridiculous. Every time you use the word "Israel" in a headline, I mentally replace it with "France" and assess how outlandish it would seem. "How Might Zohran...Affect France?" check and check. F'ing stupid.

I follow too many gays I thought this was an array of butt plugs.

Thieves walking into the Louvre this weekend be like

This picture also would have been a great choice.

Today’s hard level had a legitimately good red herring. Nice.

Now THIS is journalism!! Now do a Wirecutter on the best inkwells and quills.

A girl can dream.

I worked for a money laundering operation in New York where the CEO would sabotage every sale we made so he could continue to claim a loss.

Ya know what? In retrospect it wasn’t an attempted coup. It was a future president and his cabinet touring their offices. So sorry for the confusion.

Wait Charlotte has a commuter rail?

I really do think the best global reaction to this inane proclamation should have been close to zero coverage. All the reporting on it has pushed it into the zeitgeist and now people hear about it everywhere in headlines and suddenly the words “Tylenol” and “pregnancy” are together in peoples minds

"Please come back! We made it more expensive!"

Definitely not available if you don’t have a subscription.

I need new glasses. Really thought that was a picture of Lynne Marie Stewart.

3am, Kuwait Airways Riyadh to Kuwait, completely packed with migratory workers from South Asia who had never been on a plane before. Flight attendants had to continuously rush up and down the aisle to put cigarettes out.

Bitch he needs cock.

There’s nothing Graham loves doing more than sucking a [metaphorical!! How very dare you!!] Trump dick.

Ayyyyy 😂

Of course the guy who says he can grab ‘em by the pussy literally sees his name written right on it.

RELX has dumped millions into lobbying in DC across the aisle, much to the vexation of a very liberal employee base.