I need to go to the Renaissance Festival. Walk around,see the carney acts, eat haggis, say things like forsooth and yay verily and kid myself I wouldn't be dead in 5 minutes if actually transported to that era.
the first boss in this game is called โtrash magnetโ so itโs kinda like iโm fighting myself
Seriously though, all these people obsessed with sex, singing about it and living for itโฆ havenโt they heard of food?
Choose a word. Think of it. Keep it to yourself, noone cares.
All's fair in love and war when you're a dick.
Itโs Friday. Show somebody your butthole.
james bond is so cool... I wish tuxedos were real
I bet you didnโt know your favorite toy as a kid says a lot about who you are today
You know, like damn! If your message or email got โtrumpโ in the headline I donโt even care.
Iโm fighting for what we want, not reacting to what that asshole does.
Either campaign on moving forward or stop with it. trump is a dead end, talk to me about what weโre doing
*squeaky eyeball twitch*
You have to admit, Jesus was super-chill for a cult leader.
If i could time travel i'd only use it for murderous purposes.
Well, back to shooting puppies, I guess.
Was at the thrift saw this figure of the big bad wolf taking a dump after eating the grandmother and I didn't buy it. God truly gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers
We may disagree politically but we are all of us fascinated by parasitoid egg casings laid on the back of a tomato hornworm. Letโs build on this
I'm always confused by people who block me for limiting replies.
It's like, "So you, too, actually DO believe in users' rights to set boundaries for who interacts with them?"
ME: if bologna is pronounced โbaloneyโ then lasagna is pronounced โlasaneyโ
WAITER: ok would you like grated cheese on your lasaney
Nobody ever tells me to just bring myself.
[serious, poetry reading voice]
good gracious
ass is bodacious
I recently went axe throwing for the first time, and I learned three things:
1. I have terrible aim.
2. Waffle House is not an axe throwing venue.
3. Waffle House and its customers are very litigious.
No no - I just have to charge my phone enough that I can go to the bathroom
๐๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ข๐ณ๐บโ๐ด ๐๐ข๐ฃ๐บ is my favorite film about deviled eggs.
28 in a 20, right there in front of the old alma mater, Immaculate Concepcion. That camera has been there over 10 years. I am always conscious of the school zone. Guess not enough that day. ๐คท
Sorry I can't make it. The rest of the week is looking super busy: Today is Prince spaghetti day. Tomorrow I fashion a shillelagh from a cursed oak burl. Friday is the timberdoodle show beneath the moon
Gotdamn speed cameras.
I'll sing that I like to eat ooples and banoonoos, but I'm not really all that psyched.
Happy day!
My YouTube beaver damn removal guy hasn't posted in 2 months. Apparently Lithuania is frozen solid. So I'm back to watching Spencer, the lawn clean up guy.
It's nice to have options.
[man having heart attack during flight]
Flight Attendant: IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE
Me: [raising hand] itโs not a house, itโs an airplane
