oh interesting! i liked young sheldon more than BBT haha i can’t stand BBT as a show tho some clips are fun
george and mandies first marriage is a very low budget sitcom type show, very different than the others
i doubt you’d like it then haha
waking up has been really hard and it’s taking me hours to stabilize myself.
and it stresses me out when my sleep schedule does not align with when i need to be at work
so it’s been a lot lately. yeah.
but i look thematically cute again so there’s that haha
i need to do a lot of chores
when i get paid i need to buy some things
and i need to finish my taxes now that i know my stuff
yeah
instead that took me however long october to now is. because i needed to bring other empty boxes to bed, clear some stuff away, and then finally i could get a box cut in half to store my meds
they could have helped me with that too haha.
soon!
i feel awful and need food and want stuff from the fridge.
when @ommerdraven.unitedsyncretic.org gets here they can help me and bring me food from the kitchen since i am basically bedridden and have limited function to get up or move at all
they could have helped cut a box in half for me too!
the chocolate chips in the halotop cherry chocolate flavor do NOT taste like chocolate and i can’t stand them
weather changes hit me so hard
they’re painful. my brain swells. and i get all emotional about everything.
#NEISvoid
ok enough crying my MCAS is going to wreck me if i don’t stop lol
distract and focus on other things now
i do feel a bit better. i did a bandage change and wound care, and changed into a white shirt and green basketball shorts
and my green ribbon tying my central line for security!
it’s like, at least having bestie as a partner was a direction, y’know?
and maybe i’ll feel better when @ommerdraven.unitedsyncretic.org gets here, because i will have some help and we can help each other, and hopefully grow to help other people too.
that’s a direction.
i miss him
and on these days when i feel all nostalgic and so overwhelmed by life and just so incredibly emotional with the fucked up weather, i wish i could cry to him about it
without him i start missing more things
like fostering
and cats
and being an auntie to my friends kids
i don’t often feel this sadness when bestie and i feel connected.
having a platonic partner like him was very nice, in many ways
i can’t call it a queer relationship because he’s straight. he also wants to take hormones
and i am queer. so maybe that alone makes us queer i don’t even know.
some days i want to text my neighbor and ask if they have a secret cat, and if i can pet it
but what i really want is a cat to cuddle in bed with and purr as i pet them
like i used to have
or some human companion, instead of a weighted blanket
and i’m too sick for any of that
i can’t even have a cat haha
which i deeply want and also planned for.
after meeting my old roommate’s cats and falling in love, i planned to get stable enough to have a cat of my own. or two, a bonded pair.
but i got worse sick and that never happened.
sometimes i feel the baby fever
and sometimes i feel nostalgic for the life i had growing up
it was more than half my life i spent around kids and babies and families, because of my mom
though, it sounds difficult to raise kids now. or be away from them at work.
i grew up in a family house daycare. so i saw tons of kids until after college when i moved out. tons of family life and growing up.
i never wanted that, until i was old enough to find myself and know my AuDHD self, and by then i knew i likely wouldn’t find a man to share all that with.
and some days like today it feels cruel.
it saved me to have roommates and people staying
and it’s helped lots of people
but it never got to house bestie. even tho he did try to come here.
and it’s so weird, to live so differently
i’ve never met my friends’ kids
i didn’t get promoted on a path to do more and earn more
i didn’t get to morph into the women i looked up to when i was younger
or even celebrate my 30th birthday
or my 35th
i do have the apartment i planned to have when i fostered.
but. that’s it haha
sometimes life feels so big and i feel so overwhelmed by all of the things i won’t be experiencing
and sometimes i feel so ok and satisfied with where i’m at
i felt this way before. it’s not something that happened after i got worse sick. but, it feels worse now because i can’t choose what i do.
in my previous life plan before i got sick
i would have been going to get my baby foster care license some time around now
i never got married or found a man to start a family with. so, i decided to become a foster parent.
except i got MECFS and a traumatic brain injury instead lol
there’s a lot of anime about outcast kids who find new friend families and turn out ok
sometimes they’re formulaic and badly written
and sometimes they show me some reflection of my own life that makes me think
“the weakest tamer began a journey to pick up trash” is really amazing
life is going pretty well
but chronic illness is doing its own thing and some days it’s just hard. even if i’m generally doing ok. and some days i get so over it.
or overwhelmed and everything feels worse and all emotional
i’m
having a hard time lately and idk why it feels so hard
i miss my friend which is always a sign i’m not doing great
i’m going to change into my green basketball shorts and a new white shirt
not new new just like clean and it’s white
and hope i feel better from that and the holiday colors
someone made a thing similar to an idea i had
a 3D printed pill dispenser
my idea would let you pre load the whole bottle and dispense one pill at a time tho, like a gum ball machine
this is cool tho
youtube.com/shorts/5AHz8...
so nice
and i can slide it to me and slide it back
and it’s so nice
i found all my meds so easily
no hunt
and my lip gloss bc i waking up dehydrated not IV and so i wanted some hydrated lips and bam there it is!
hehe i put a TP roll cut up on the box for to hold the lips things!!
eee so nice
“why didn’t i do this earlier?”
bc my brain is damaged lol i couldn’t
but i’m so satisfied now with this bit of help
it’s half a cromolyn box i cut open and tape the parts together
and it’s so nice some organized
today is kinda hard and my sleep schedule is SO OFF right now which is bad
but omg i love my medicine box so much
and the other half is self care items and i love that too
it’s so nice some organized
so nice ☺️
and right now the star sun beams are nice
lizard!! so many animals how nice!
💛💛💛 i really hope you get some relief and rest soon
wtf that’s so awful
oh my gods oh jeez
