superastrofemme

I should be able to claim my cats as dependents on my taxes

With enough time and dedication you too could have an instagram feed that is mostly just different ways to cook potatoes

It's been a two toaster strudel kind of day

I’d like a food blog without recipes. Just stories of self-empowerment that somehow lead to butternut squash risotto.

I'll put a dutch baby in you, baby

Like the huckleberry, I can tolerate shade but fruit better in dappled light

In Maine it’s legal to beat someone with a lead window sash weight if they’re encroaching on your blood worm territory

Ain't gonna judge the size of your winky, but if your nativity camel is out of proportion you better brace yourself.

That was my question 😂

Dude working behind the counter at the dispensary just asked another customer if she could please not tell his parents he smokes weed

Youngest person at this dispensary by at least a decade

Whenever I watch a video set in Europe I get horny as hell for their affordable and plentiful public transportation options. Yes baby, get on that train, then let me watch you board an overnight ferry without a car 😍

We've reached the free pouring point of funday monday

I'm an enigma, wrapped in a tortilla, dipped in nacho cheese

Much better use for it than sitting in a Tupperware container 😂🥳

This is so organized look at them in a little cup instead of spread throughout the house

This is the most amazing thing I've read all week 😂

Imma put the D in Pachelbel's Canon

Those ones are awesome 😂

Overachiever right here 😂

That's just good planning, right there

Can't pinpoint the precise moment after turning 50 that I turned into the type of person who saves the elastic bands off produce but nonetheless here we are

I don’t want a fun-sized Snickers. I want the full bar, the full commitment, the full emotional nougat.

Shopping for new bathroom carpet in the Sears catalog would fix me.

Got a theoretical cart full of Christmas candy double parked in my soul.

Tbh I don't think I was ever emotionally equipped to handle the Hall & Oates break up.

Your yogurt to granola ratio is seriously damaging this relationship

I would simply not walk through The Valley of the Shadow of Death

'wintery mix' is a Canadian weather forecasting term meaning you're gonna fall on a sidewalk today

im a daytime midweek bowling alley ten.