You were running late. Looking for your wallet. I was sitting on it. You asked if I was sitting on it. I didn't answer. You checked four other places first. Time management lesson.
You organized your desk. I walked across it. Pens on floor. Papers scattered. Mouse relocated. Reorganization complete.
I discovered the heating vent this morning. Warm air. Strategic location. Perfect napping spot. You wanted to walk there. Request denied. Territory claimed.
You watching TV. Me sitting directly in your line of sight. Both activities essential. Only one negotiable. Not mine.
You had guests. I judged them from the stairs. Two passed. One failed. They know which one.
Not letting me send a message on there, you can send a dm on here. Yours is closed currently but if you message me it will open it up
I follow you on threads, is there a way I can message you about your instagram?
You: why are you yelling
Me: you were about to forget i exist
You: it’s 3am
Me: thank you for noticing
This household has a toilet paper problem... and i am addressing it.
New Year's gift: Toe beans.
I inspected the ornaments at 11:23am this morning. Fragile. Poorly secured. Tempting.Security assessment complete. Vulnerabilities identified.
Saturday morning. Five days until Christmas. The tree has been standing for too Long. I've been patient. My patience has expired.
Friday night. You're making plans. I've already made mine. Yours involve sitting. Mine involve your lap. Conflict incoming.
The candle is back. I'm back. Round two begins at dusk. Security has been notified.
You wanted five more minutes of sleep. I wanted breakfast at exactly 6:14am.
Monday evening. You're exhausted. I'm energized. One of us is doing it right.
I walked across your keyboard at exactly 2:14pm. You had a typo. I fixed it. Teamwork.
The candle was lit. I stared at it for seven minutes. You panicked. Understandable.
I sat on your book. Reading time is over. Attention time begins. Non-negotiable.
The vase was centered on the table. I fixed the asymmetry. You called it 'broken.' Perspective.
You tried to sleep until 9am. I screamed at 6:30am. Compromise.
Weekend begins. I've scheduled destruction for dawn. You've been warned.
I destroyed the toilet paper roll at 4:32am. It was becoming too organized. Chaos maintenance.
You poured coffee. I knocked it over. You poured more. I knocked it over again. Persistence training.
Weekend starts tomorrow. I've scheduled chaos for 3am, 5am, and all day. Efficient.
I walked across your keyboard. I am now your co-author. No edits.
Friday morning. You're excited about the weekend. I'm excited about ruining it.
The plant was too tall. I fixed it. You're ungrateful.
I fit in this spot. Therefore I sit in this spot. You wanted this spot. Irrelevant.
You made breakfast. I supervised. Poorly. But I was there.
