22. Closer / Dennis Cooper
And here a post-punk chemical inverse of the above. Time to reread the whole cycle, and to do so primarily w an investment in how the sentences operate, to assess exactly what they blur and smudge, and how that intersects with the totally catharsisless void they circle
22. Closer / Dennis Cooper
And here a post-punk chemical inverse of the above. Time to reread the whole cycle, and to do so primarily w an investment in how the sentences operate, to assess exactly what they blur and smudge, and how that intersects with the totally catharsisless void they circle
21. Sweet Days of Discipline / Fleur Jaeggy
Read in a single sitting: fascination = distance = cruelty = repression = discipline = school = adolescence = sublimated desire = death. Something actually monstrous going on that never breaches the surface, want to read more Jaeggy to witness elsewhere
20. Whores for Gloria / William T. Vollmann
Much as I adore Bill V's stuff, this was one of the less effective of his books I've read. Something slightly insubstantial in its tenderness, perhaps ? Nevertheless worth something for the way it ambivalently writes and holds transsexuality (see Dolores)
There should be kind of passively accepted conversion rate between gradually accrued personal misfortune/inconvenience and motiveless violent crime. Perhaps this is where some hit and runs are coming from, maybe, but I wouldn't know - I can't drive
Publically owning yourself too many times until you morph into your own tulpa. Ediolonmaxxing
Starting prog days before I go on a trip to Berlin with my ex, what could fathomably go wrong
holy text
Someone I haven't bumped into in months materialised by the decks at the crux of his set with an open bottle of DBJ, was like an angel's wings beating about my face
Ok friendship with Fold restored all I needed was a good crowd w minimal social pressure at a night that's not Unfold, O Phase was fucking unbelievable oh my god
Public Knowledge in Walthamstow have copies last I heard, well worth the trip to get a copy
most beautiful most brutal most romantic most honest most arousing most true most transformative thing to hit me out of nowhere like this in years
new favourite book inbound (Wittig's The Lesbian Body)
Some construction sites conspire in their combination of exposed rebar and flapped blue tarpaulin and roughshod curves of concrete to convey to me a message and that message is uhhh Go In, Break Right Inside and Hang Out a Little
Smol Bean-Icy Cool Misanthrope Horseshoe Theory (SB-ICMaHT)
Feels even more awful in the film !
Newly minted manila envelop tranche big fat black lettered sharpie label blot SLAVE MENTALITY BULLSHIT
1. Never put it in writing
2. Always get it in writing
Currently assembling an application to a dream job that I am, like, just a hair underqualified for. Everyone, please, spend the next three days thinking with clarity the phrase 'Good luck Blake' on an exactly hourly basis (you can set alarms for when you're asleep)
19. Angels / Denis Johnson
Sordid & desperate, but def a first novel inasmuch as that desperation was leaned a little too earnestly hard into without quite conjuring enough of a lived reality to fully justify it. Still, a dual impulse of transcendence and brutality that forks into his later work
If the manner in which you navigate the world and project yr presence is buttressed by a seethe of insecurity - I hate to break it to you, but that is blindingly transparent to those that can see you doing so
Time is very much now I think for a microcultural reset on what is/isn't unacceptably cringe, things are very obviously getting out of hand lmao
Need to be put down expeditiously and/or partially immolated (expeditiously)
Comical self-own of deliberately localising my nicotine addiction to a specific person is the left/right associative hook of a covalent double crave whilst chained to a library reception desk all afternoon
(wisely) 'To a spanner, everything looks like the works'
Hate to hand it to the guy, but Nietzsche was really onto something w ressentiment. Rife!!!
>claims to be happy
>is posting on Bluesky
started to volunteer w a new org, have more friends than I've ever had, making art that I'm proud of, started taking philosophy classes, am beautiful, am terrifyingly in love - FINALLY out of my early 20s my GOD
