Joao

Love bites are what I get for hooking up with a 25 year old. 😭

By comparison, four days ago a friend came over wondering where all my stuff was and why I had more records than anything else 🥲

Sofa arrived today and I’m so happy with how quickly everything is coming together for my little cosy home 🥺

I need to speak with whoever curated this year’s Glastonbury lineup because lmaooo. I have zero invested interest and even I’m like ???

Been at my new apartment for a couple of hours and the sheer convenience of it is going to improve my quality of life so much 😭 no more middle of bumblefuck!!

Thanks love!! Need to get you over here visiting asap!

Thank you m’love!! You’ve got somewhere to stay when you come visit!

Life update: still don’t know what escrow means but I do know that this is the Fernandes Vasconcelos residence, the lady of the house speaking! 😭

Idk if it’s because I’m hungover (probably is) but I’m getting very overly emotional packing all my things 🥹

It’s officially happened. I’ve been in a late night environment and there’s been a table of children who don’t know and look confused by mmmbob.

This #RHOP reunion is a return to form. I am CACKLING. This energy please going into S10

I’m yet to buy into Tate as an album artist. The singles so far have been great but I really struggle to get through a body of work before all songs mesh into one

My boss asked me if I still wanted to go to the US even though they’ve effectively cancelled our only NA event there. I said I’m still happy to go but looking at this maybe I might just sit my ass home.

Honestly don’t know how I’m going to cope, I’m not made to put up with a man child.

My mum and sister have gone away on a girlie holiday leaving me and my dad to ourselves - it’s not even been 12 hours and he’s already left the stove on for over an hour with nothing on it and complained about the lack of sliced bread when this Portuguese as hell house is never without bread.

Ngl really feeling this one Real Housewives franchise day week :(

Paid my deposit and legal fees so plz don’t invite me to anything unless you’re paying or buying me furniture 🥲

I’ve fully furnished like 3 apartments in my adult life from moving (don’t have anything to show for it) but every time
I buy something banal for my new place my excitement for it just keeps growing. Today it was cutlery and frying pans!

I actually think property solicitors are the worst in the real estate ecosystem. Why are you charging me £45 + VAT to use a portal from my lender???

The Lizzie McGuire Movie is just a 10/10 perfect movie like perfect comedy, perfect soundtrack, perfect Hilary Duff lip syncing, zero notes. I won’t be taking rebuttals at this time.

Made the first homeware purchase for my own place today 🥹 never been so happy to buy plates

People say I’m jealous

Got cruised on at the Westfield toilets by the most non-discreet man ever. I don’t need courtship but I don’t need flaccid dick flapped at me or your head peering over the urinal wall while I’m trying to pee!

Seth doubling down on calling Whitney biatch by confirming it’s part of his regular vocab is… a choice. How embarrassing. #RHOSLC

I love how Mercedes gets a random itch to kill a man like once every six months #Hollyoaks

I hated the whole wet signature and witness thing.

Bit of a mixed bag today - went from how is my cousin to a very sudden turn to someone in the village town passed away but Mum’s pleased that he married. Even thousands of miles away she still manages to get all the gossip

Listening to my Portuguese mother’s phone conversations with back home requires deciphering the pitch of her tuts, ah’s and oh’s to figure out if it’s good or bad news.