Robert Garnham

Professor Zazzo Investigates- 7. Memflak and Troglium in the Jungle MEMFLAK AND TROGLIUM IN THE JUNGLE I believe it was Professor Zazzo Thim who first alerted me to a possible ‘bad quarto’ version of the Shakespeare play, ‘Memflak and Troglium’. I…

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Professor Zazzo Investigates – 6. Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish! FISH! FISH! FISHI FISH! FISH! FISH FISH Professor Zazzo Thim’s experimentations with surrealism have been well-documented, though there are still one or two questions which have remained outs…

Today’s story is about Paris, surrealism, fish and bad poetry. Written around the year 2000.

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Professor Zazzo Investigates- 5. The Rubaiyat of Viktor Khayyam THE RUBAIYAT OF VIKTOR KHAYYAM Great excitement greeted the first publication of the volume which, under the direction of that esteemed professor of literary extremism, Zazzo Thim, has uncovered mo…

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Professor Zazzo Investigates – 4. The Peacocks are Restless With a sonnet so perplexing as this, there only seemed the one course of action: to call in the literary investigator, Professor Zazzo Thim.          &n…

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Professor Zazzo Investigates – 3. On the Silken Breath of a Penguin in Repose When I heard that the great literary extremist Professor Zazzo Thiim was holding a symposium on the use of alliteration in Antarctic literature, I knew I just had to attend.    &nbsp…

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Professor Zazzo Investigates The adventures of literary Professor, Zazzo Thiim, can be found right here!

Stories written 2000 to 2005 which I hope you’ll find amusing, featuring my literary investigator Professor Zazzo. professorofwhimsy.com/professor-za...

Live at the Exeter Phoenix (Taking the Mic) I had a lovely time last week performing a headline set at the Taking the Mic event at the Exeter Phoenix arts centre. Thank you Tim for having me! I videoed my efforts and they can be viewed right…

Thank you Tim King for having me at Taking the Mic last week! You can see my efforts here. I hope you like the set.

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New Year’s Day Whimsy 2026 I’m a bit late posting this, but here’s the video of my New Year’s Day annual performance. I hope you like it. Also below are those from previous years. 2025 2022

My annual New Year’s Day Whimsy performance, only 15 days late! professorofwhimsy.com/2026/01/15/n...

Reception Reception eBook : Garnham, Robert: Amazon.co.uk: Kindle Store

www.amazon.co.uk/Reception-Ro...

Robert Garnham Performance poet and Professor of Whimsy

My novel Reception, from 2011, is now available as an ebook professorofwhimsy.com/blog/

The New Fridge Freezer is Suspiciously Quiet The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.The new fridge freezer is suspiciously quiet.I don’t want to cause a fussAnd I don’t want to cause a riotBut the new fridge freezer is suspi…

A poem I hadn’t performed since around 2010. professorofwhimsy.com/2026/01/03/t...

Eight Very Short Poems, Exeter, 2025 I had some fun in Exeter the other night. I hope you like this video.

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Shop- Chapter One – The Stock Count Twenty years ago, I wrote a novel. And some of that novel had material in it from fifteen years before that. It’s lived at the bottom of a drawer for most of that time. Thanks to technology, I can …

Twenty years ago, I wrote a novel. And some of that novel had material in it from fifteen years before that. It’s lived at the bottom of a drawer for most of that time. Thanks to technology, I can now bring this to you. I will be sharing a chapter a week.

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shop We haven’t sold a pencil in hours yet we’re not supposed to start counting them until six o‘clock.

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On 2025. As 2025 lumbers to a wimpering snuff, many of us see a world that seems almost unrecognisable to the one we’ve always known. Division and hatred, thinly veiled racism, outright transphobia, and the…

A few words on my year. professorofwhimsy.com/2025/12/24/o...

Sk8ter Boi – A Poem Based on the Song, You Know the One Visit the post for more.

A cover version, audio only, live in Exeter professorofwhimsy.com/2025/12/14/s...

Ruminations of an Accidental Poet Part Two : On Being an LGBTQ Performer (and Human) It may not have escaped your notice that I’m quite gay. I’m steeped in gayness, ensconced in homosexuality, which I wear like a coat which sparkles iridescent in my undeniable queerness. I’m gay in…

Part Two of my autobiographical essay series about my life in performance poetry can be found here, pal.

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Ruminations of an Accidental Poet Part One: How I Became a Performance Poet Ruminations of an Accidental Poet, being the performance career of humorist, writer Robert Garnham

Once a week I will be posting an essay of autobiographical writing detailing the many adventures I’ve had in my performance career on my website. This week it’s How I Became a Performance Poet. I hope you enjoy them! professorofwhimsy.com/2025/11/20/r...

These Helpful Robots – A Piece of Short Fiction Let me catch it, pass it to you. Intense rain rolling down the windscreen of the bus, caught by the wipers, pass it over, the windscreen wipers, just for a few seconds, clearing the windscreen of t…

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Cola Tin – A Piece of Flash Fiction Today I went and sat on the terrace of a restaurant / bar on the seafront, at a picnic table, with a book and a Coca-Cola that I had ordered from the bar. I was reading the book and drinking the Co…

Some flash fiction I recorded today.

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The Massive Text Message YouTube video by Robert Garnham

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Are you Cool? Performed live in Edinburgh Visit the post for more.

Half a minute of silliness from Edinburgh professorofwhimsy.com/2025/08/20/a...

I Wish I Was a Panda (Audio) Live from the Edinburgh Fringe Had a great time last night performing at Screech Night at Banshee Labyrinth.

One of the poems I performed last night in Edinburgh professorofwhimsy.com/2025/08/14/i...

New poem: Glamping Here’s a poem about glamping. It’s one of those expressions I hate, along with ‘side hustle’.

New poem! professorofwhimsy.com/2025/08/11/n...

Into the Rhododendrons with Jack 1.’Let’s just slink through here’, I suggested, gesturing to the rhododendrons.          A hot tropical night. The sweat was pouring down my face. Out to …

A short story professorofwhimsy.com/2025/08/09/i...

Choose the new Plymouth Laureate of Words - Literature Works Plymouth Laureate of Words is a creative partnership between Literature Works, Plymouth Culture and The Box.

It’s time to pick the next Plymouth Laureate of Words, and I can think of no finer wordsmith than Richard Thomas. There are some fine applicants but my vote goes to RC Thomas. Vote here! literatureworks.org.uk/plow-2025-vo...

Sofa Phobia – Live in Penzance Here’s a video of my poem ‘Sofa Phobia’, filmed earlier this month in Penzance. It’s true, I do have a phobia of sofas. They’re disgusting things. It’s nice that I can laugh about these things.…

Here’s a poem I performed in Penzance earlier this month about my phobia of sofas. It’s true. It’s nice that I can laugh about these things. professorofwhimsy.com/2025/07/23/s...

Surfer Dude – Live in Penzance This is an old poem, one of the first I ever performed. And I’m still performing it after 15 years! It’s not very long.

I’ve been performing this short poem at various places for fifteen years! It’s pretty silly. And not very long. professorofwhimsy.com/2025/07/16/s...

Badger in the Garden – Live in Penzance Visit the post for more.

A poem from the other night professorofwhimsy.com/2025/07/13/b...

Impending Headache (1992) In 1992 I was 18 years old and wanted ever so desperately to be a writer. I was inspired by anyone who could make me laugh. Douglas Adams and Clive James were both very important in my writing aspi…

About a book I wrote when I was 18. It was . . Different!

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