Dave Cento

Sesame Street really leans on 1-20 for the number of the day. I get you wanna stick with what got you here but try like 239 or e or something, switch it up

Being an adult means realizing dingers should rhyme with fingers and then just having to go about your day like nothing is wrong

We cover real quick questions

Starting a business podcast called "I Know We're At Time But"

Corner this market.

Okay grandma meme where grandma is saying "packaging used to open along the seams"

Old man yells at bottom line

@dannybkelly.bsky.social Been sitting on this one a while, but your "jar" is 100% Arrested Development quotes. Confirmed today when I listened to you yell "STEVE HOLT" to crickets from @minakimes.bsky.social

What's the most fun trade (fantasy-wise) that you could realistically see happening during the draft/before the season?

The gag reflex is our most hilarious defense mechanism. Your body's like "If something got this far, we just gotta vomit and hope for the best." A true hail mary

Established IP? Big name star? Bestselling book adaptation? Live action remake of an animated film that everyone already loved? Sounds like it was ahead of it's time!

Opening a French/Mesopotamian fusion cafe called The Fertile Croissant

At first I read this as "Tip Reiman doesn't play well on Sundays" and I was like damn, that's his most important day

Everyone at the trade block laughed at my Quentin Johnston

Bought mint jelly at the store. Gonna offer my son a PB&J and teach him a valuable lesson about asking more questions

Might they be sucking on any food?

SUCKIN ON A CHILI DOG

You know all the right things to say don't you, Mr. Mellencamp

I like songs that tell you exactly what they're about up front.

Here's a little ditty about Jack and Diane!

Oh and who might these two mysterious protagonists be?

Two American kids growing up in the heartland!

Well all my questions are answered.

I know the 90s were hard because when Biggie asked that guy with the gun up in his waist not to shoot up the place, the response was "why?"

Every book is a choose your own adventure if you don't believe in free will.

Take me down to the Paradise City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty

ONE DAY LATER: Well none of these girls like me at all

People: Capitalism is terrible! It exploits the poor to benefit the rich, subsisting on what amounts to slave labor and abuse of the working class. It's built on the foundation of injustice!

Capitalism: *invents Pop-Tarts*

People:

Me, when I found out pipe cleaners weren't invented for arts and crafts:

Dave at 15: THAT'S ABOUT THE TIME SHE WALKED AWAY FROM ME, NOBODY LIKES YOU WHEN YOU'RE 23

Dave at 23: Drunk, won't shut up, vomits on the floor

List of percents sure you can be:
- 50 (not sure)
- 98 (still not sure)
- 99 (this is a robust hunch)
- 100 (not sure but don't want to continue this conversation)
- 1000 (sure)

Meat Loaf has a space in his name, which implies that you should formally address him as Mr. Loaf.

I'm trying to be more positive so from here on out I'm calling them go lights

Recipe: use room temperature butter

Me: what is a fridge but a cold little room

I'm conventionally attractive. Meaning I would be considered attractive at a convention