I've Been Autistic All Along?

I write a to-do list.
I lose the to-do list.
I write another to-do list.
I do something else completely.

Allow me to reintroduce myself.
Now I’ve dug up the parts of me I buried.
Uncovered the bits of me that I masked.
Embraced the aspects of me that I was shamed for.
I’m not reinventing myself, I am getting reacquainted with myself.

There is actually nothing wrong with who I am.
What is wrong is the way people repeatedly made me feel about who I am.

Before my autism diagnosis my whole identity used to be shaped by fear and anxiety. Be quiet, be compliant, don’t disagree, don’t be too much, just trying to survive. If you think I’ve changed then I probably have, those things don’t control me anymore so of course I’m different.

Autism isn’t a label.
Autism isn’t a neat box that I fit into.
For me it’s created self awareness, self-kindness, self compassion and given me language that explains my life.

My life story used to be written in other people’s handwriting. Following scripts that suited others, playing roles that I didn’t like, shrinking myself down to fit into a story that made others comfortable.
Now I’m writing my own story, and this story feels like mine!

Often when we discover we’re autistic, we may have to learn to believe our own experience again. We’ve spent a long time being told what we feel isn’t real or right, being punished for expressing how we feel or simply ignoring how we feel to survive.

It’s so lovely when you’re overloaded and stressed from the day and you sit with your person, both doing your own thing, existing alongside each other, co-regulating.

Powerful.

If they didn't work last year they won't work now!

So disappointing!

Anyone else hate phone calls? 🙈

And forget it by 2.30

So frustrating!

Right?🙄

❤️

Now we know where we need to work folks!

❤️🐶

I like loud noise if it's my loud noise! 😆

I hated pizza and no one could figure out why! I was an autistic kiddo with a very limited amount of foods I could tolerate!

They knew it meant I could go home after days of trapped wind 🤣

Let's be proud of ourselves!

All humans do. Of course we can't force others to meet them but we can try our best to meet our own where we can.

🤣 Enough with the lie that autistics can't lie. Some can. I struggle with it A LOT, it makes me feel incredibly anxious so try very heard to never lie, even those little white lies are hard. I can't act or pull pranks because it feels like I'm lying. But, autistic people definitely can lie!

My anxiety doesn't care about facts. It really doesn't. I think that's why CBT rarely works for me, because they tell me to tell myself these things won't happen when I know for a fact they do!