That CheapShow Stuff

Eli: "GAS! SWAMP GAS! CHUTNEY GAS!"
83 - Mouth Sounds

Eli: "I'm just being meticulous, I wanna get this right, yeah?"
Paul: "You're not being meticulous. You're being Mick Tickle-ass."
246 - The Suitcase

Eli: "What about a porn film called 'Creme Masters', but 'Creme' is spelled..."
Paul: "What's it based on?"
Eli: "*Incoherent giggling*"
Ash: "We've lost Eli"
63 - The Gooch

Paul: "I don't know what a dirty shilling is"
Eli: "Well, it's when you toss your brother off"
169 - Frothtopia

Paul: "How close do you get to be for points?"
Ash: "Hey guys, how close do you get to be for points"
Eli: "I'll tell you how close you actually get to be for points, Paul"
Paul: "That's a bad one"
76 - Hit The Moog

Eli: "You brought up spunk with 'Jizzy Fingers'"
Paul: "That's just his name, it's French. 'Jeusé Fingeurs'"
470 - Mano A Mano

Eli: "Right, so you're just conflating all these different nights in a jarbled mungle of dirty wordy birds?"
443 - Liquid Curios

Paul: "For you, the day I shat my pants and was sick, was the strangest day of your life, for me it was just a Saturday"
339 - Chicken Soup for the Hole

Paul: "We didn't used to be like this, where we talk shit for a bit, and then one of us snaps. It's not healthy, is it?!"
372 - Books Bunny

Paul: "You've ruined this for me"
Eli: "I haven't ruined it! YOU. CAN'T. COUNT. NUMBERS!"
124 - The CheapShow Awards

Paul: "We had joy, we had fun, here's the seasons of my bum 🎵"
223 - The Mustard Hall of Fame

Paul: "I'd like to cut a turd in half"
Eli: "Yes, you would like to. I wouldn't like to"
Paul: "It's like dirty man play-doh"
244 - Creamed

Eli: "I didn't say Chodney"
Paul: "It's like that Leonard Nimoy book, your book will be called 'I am not Chodney'"
244 - Creamed

Paul: "Come on darliiin', 'aving a wank"
Eli: "God, Paul, please! please!"
Paul: "Just make your mind up quick! Think about it this way the longer you take the more chance there is for me to say something stupid"
106 - Bet Your Spunk!

Eli: "I will chadney with the randoes and spod my chod right off. It's a musical episode from us today as we go through the trough. We've got nothing for you listener, and nothing in between. And if you chod me off, I will cover you with my cream 🎵"
280 - Nasty Shanties

Paul: "The point is that, I was in bed and I like shredded wheat and ..."
Eli: "Hahahaha!"
175 - Choose Your Own Misadventure

Eli: "When a gentleman's end has spodged off ... *giggling* ... Can we stop please!"
339 - Chicken Soup for the Hole

Eli: "Cream and chive dip there Paul, from McDonalds"
Paul (Uncle Grumbly): "I've got a sauce that's similar. It's called cheese and Clive dip"
Eli: "Yeah, and what's in that?"
Paul (Uncle Grumbly): "Cream... and the spoff of a man called Clive"
155 - Look-In '88 Rools OK Too!

Eli: "That's just crude. You've gone straight to blobs and bollocks and wanking. Frothing, no doubt."
49 - Bum Eggs

Paul: "Now Eli Silverman will now do one of the most famous scenes from Star Wars. Eli Silverman, it's over to you"
Eli: "Luke, I am your father"
Paul: "Prove it"
Eli: "Look at my willy. It's big like yours ... SCENE!"
112 - Beyond Punderdome

Paul: "Ladies and gentlemen, Eli's interpretive dance of me"
Eli: "I'm trapped inside the walls of my mind. I'm in Paul's mind. I'm trapped inside my mind. I'm trapped inside my mind. Oh, denigrate his hands. Denigrate his hands. And his penis!"
300 - The 3rd Live One!

Eli: "I like little spaces in between where people live, so liminal half spaces by the side of train tracks."
Paul: "Eli... Are you the world's first professional tramp?"
39 - House of Pickles 3

Eli: "Paul's written something here, er. 'I am a cunt'"
461 - 50 Words

Sooz Kempner: "My willy did a burp!"
Paul: "Right, and that's the moment we end the cold open"
259 - Mystery on the Clock

Paul: "Why don't you play the hippie hard house?! Boo-ba-doop-doop, boo-ba-doop-doop, boo-ba-doop-doop"
Eli: "Yezh, yezh, yezh, yezh, yezh, yezh, yezh!"
136 - Good Game

Paul: "Anythinnnn', dum dum dum, buh buh buh, bah bah bah, dah dah dah, goooeees. Dun-da dum-dee dum-dee dum-dee, Paul is a prick. Yooooo."
Eli: "I'm starting again"
132 - Crab Bucket

Eli: "We're a professional podcast team"
Paul: "Stroke ghosthunters"
Eli: "Stroke... my... nob"
12 - The CheapShow CreepShow

Mr Biffo: "I'm Ash Frith. I'm Ashhh Freeeth!"
202 - I Know What You Did Last Episode

Paul: "The singeth and the wingeth. How d'you like that ya fucking prick?!"
Eli: "Touché"
277 - Sock Race

Paul: "It's like a Caribbean holiday in your mouth"
Eli: "Yeah, it's a party in my mouth and there's limbo dancers who haven't wiped their bum properly"
Paul: "*exasperated sigh*"
137 - Soda Jerk Off