I cherish all the signed copies I have. Especially those of writers whom have now moved on. My wife made a rule that I can not buy a signed copy from any living author. So I love to go to these events.

The thing about magic is once you look to examine it, it is no longer magic. It is much like the double slit experiment in quantum physics.

Today was a potato day. In hopes of feeling better. But I’m feeling physically worse and my spirits are tanking. Maybe I should just head to bed early tonight, and hope tomorrow is better.

When I’m in pain, I feel more lonely, worthless, useless, and like I’m just a problem. :-/

Great not even 8 am and I’m sobbing emotional mess on the couch. Great way to start my day. Two emergency phone call from dad’s nursing home to deal with and being emotionally unable to deal with small negatives criticisms.

Tuesday why you acting like a Monday??

Also from myself. If I let myself feel all of this… will I want to, or be able to get through it?

It is a combination of a list of past traumas I need to process, not ever feeling I have the time or safe place to do that the way I need to. Also compromising my needs to get all the things the world needs from me done. Still feeling like no mater how much I do it is never enough or good enough.

I’m so tired of just living in a state of numb. But I’m not sure how not to.

I absolutely dread and hate the feeling of days before and my actually birthday.

That is so much progress!

I wish I could express how much fatigue is caused my chronic pain and the shame that comes along with it.

I spent a portion of my day in tears from the lack of energy to do the level of things I need to get done.

So do you and I’m curious. 🤔

Being in chronic pain means you walk around normally in some state of pain. So on your “bad” days would be insufferable to some. But you don’t want to constantly talk about it cause then you feel like you are just a downer to everyone.

I see us in these.

First day back on my adhd meds in nearly a month jumping through loop holes. The come down after being off it for some long is a bit rough.

Work up from a nap in tears. I need my body and life back.

My brain is getting really bad. Every time things get quiet or I’m not focusing on something I’m hit by waves of depression and am holding back tears. So my brain is trying to fill that vacuum but I can focus cause so many distractions. Which means I don’t get things done which makes me feel worse.

Waiting to my uncle to call so we can talk about my dad. Today can just be done already. Oh yeah but then I have a school board meeting tonight.

Why is it so difficult to re-wire our brains so that we stop acting out of trauma response conditioning….

I hate my body and I hate my mind, guess I’ll just hold onto my heart and hope that’s enough.

But has anyone sent you sexy birthday pics yet? Those are my favorite.

Happy to help. ;)

I can’t stop feeling tired of late. I feel like I’m just running from one emergency to the next. Putting out fire after fire. Taking care of all the people around me. I know people know I’m tired and dealing with a lot. But I don’t think they understand the toll this is taking on me.

It is hard to pretend to be okay all the time around people when you feel like just falling apart and crying.

No matter how many things I get done on my to do list it never feels like enough.

I need to remember the day after I do political activism is always going to be an emotionally hard day.

I'm supposed to game tonight online, but I'm holding myself together with bubble gum and tape. It takes so much energy to pretend to be okay. I've been doing it all week just to not upset people or make them feel bad. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up right now.

Today has been an utter shit show emotionally. I’m supposed to go out with family for dinner tonight and my body is literally shaking. I’m putting myself in a dark room with a weighted blanket hopping it helps.

A you imagine the revolution we might have if say the entire internet was shut down??!