Pocket

Gonna stream me playing re9 in insanity mode tonight like 8pm est

Trying to save up for a new graphics card is hell like this is so tedious I’m at almost half way on getting it but like just seeing this price for one pc part idk if I even need to upgrade anything else

the way I believe the dead internet theory is real like

like it’s really just I declined over $200 this month of promo because I’m just burnt out with what they want to make me say and overall social media like I really don’t feel like I have any free will to do anything and I feel like I’m trapped

anytime you see me talking about any pop music or anything related in that manner is always because I’m getting paid to I don’t listen to any of these artists they make me get paid to promote for and it’s getting hard and hard trying to sound authentic and believable enough like I care and I hate it

I’m getting hit up to do promos for companies like kalshi and polymarket and it’s like I’m respectfully declining because I do not like being a sellout for betting companies no matter what the pay is

I really need to get into streaming so I can have fun but also earn money because while I used to like being on Twitter before that man ruined it it’s been really gruesome making side cash and also being freelance I dont enjoy getting paid to talk about pop culture anymore when I don’t care for it

like sometimes I think is it really just me being a nuisance with anything I say I feel like I let people take advantage and when I stand on my ground when needed be then I get told that I’m either aggressive or a flat or r slur

Like me saying I think having rtx off for the game looks better and you have pretentious capitalists tech snobs being classist and elitist calling me poor and gaslighting me into thinking I’m dumb because I point out both positive and negative things shown with rtx tracing like I’m so nice about it😭

like the way anything I tweet always ends outside my circle I forget that I’m a big account at times so I’m not expecting to wild people’s feathers over me stating an observation based on my opinion about a game’s engine using ray tracing reflections over classic space screen reflections

I feel like I need to get medicated again it’s like lately I’ve been spiraling over so many things happening at me on issues that really should not get me losing my head over because like today’s discourse of the day made no sense to me I did not expect the ai nvidia tech bros to start jumping me

love you too and thank you for sticking with me for all these years ❤️

anytime i post something it’s always some frivolous discourse that gets taken out of my own control and now i end up just facing transphobia and constantly getting ridiculed because people online love being rude and find the satisfaction of just being miserable

a monkey wearing a straw hat is eating a piece of banana . ALT: a monkey wearing a straw hat is eating a piece of banana .

starting to come to terms that no community can stand my existence I really come to the point where I’m excluding myself from LGBTQ online communities since they always have a disconnect with me whenever I open my mouth leading to just not seeing me as a person in the community to begin with

I need a cure for als now that disease is so relentless rest in peace…

what the hell is a MISSMA’AMSHE?

GIRL, FUCK YOU

Never really thought about selling my account because it’s my own personal one but lowkey the state of that site it’s kinda looking promising to disappear

wait tea…

girl wdym 1.4 million followers

a close up of a monkey sitting in a tree looking down ALT: a close up of a monkey sitting in a tree looking down

Twitter died again

lowkey been feeling like shit lately it’s like I hate my audience on that site so much cause all I get is people that get offended when they find out that I’m openly trans and be like “I feel betrayed that you aren’t a gay man”

I woke up to that site being down oh I thought I got suspended 😭

ok but i was not following no tutorial it was better having oomfs give me a lesson on discord cause i was able to make a seal and learn about texturing all in the span of 3 hours

I really hate that my medical history is the reason why I can’t continue hrt and transitioning I miss the euphoric feeling starting it while mentally and physically I wasn’t in the right place at the time

having a lot of intense gender dysphoric stress lately like I feel so unstable I’m like using my humor to mask that I’m I’m not ok being in this body

liberal, liberal, liberal, liberal, Liberal Liberal

a person laying on a bed with a tokyo land poster on the wall above them ALT: a person laying on a bed with a tokyo land poster on the wall above them

It took this app 96 years to add drafts

Me choosing pink oddly enough fits with it 😭

like no I’m not making a donut but at least I started making what is close to looking like clay I guess

Trying to learn blender not knowing anything about 3d modeling omg this is like hurting my brain so much