Sasha Strange

I still don't know what to do with bsky.

Boops

I hate this.

I am so disgusted with being amab. I will never understand people that enjoy this. It's repulsive to me on a visceral level.

Stupid dysphoria. I hate this body.

It always is with you 🥵

Thankyouuuuu

Being female would fix me.

Can't sleep, got bored, photographed my nips like an alien planet. I'll probably delete this.

I wish I knew.

If I get bottom surgery, I won't tell anyone, but there will be signs.

LMAO, so this happened.

Whisper into the void, and then wait for it to hopefully whisper back.

gorggggggg

I'm an idiot. I fucked up. She's my best friend and I fucked up.

There are no celebrations today. None with heart at least. Why celebrate what is shrugged off any other day?

I would sleep through this if I could.

Yeah, a bit. Still taking it easy and keeping things chill.

Stop the clock.

Much to change fundamentally. We are still on opposite sides of the continent and in different countries to boot, which was a factor in my thinking that it was best to try not to get attached in that way.

That caution is still there, especially given how close we've been.

Yeah.... So.... C called me out. Said she was confused because apparently, I've been flirtatious on her posts, despite my protestations of being focused on friendship.

So, we talked. There's mutual crushing happening, which is news to me. I'm still feeling a bit shocked.

I don't expect

I barely know her, outside of meeting here and there through various functions, but we yapped like old friends. I was surprised by the vibe. It occurred to me later that the evening felt something like a date, although it was anything but.

It was just a good time. I have no interest in her,

How cruel it is that the one thing that I desire above all is the one thing that cannot be fixed.

Meanwhile, I never self inserted into fantasy. It felt like dirtying something perfect.

And I feel like that about myself in life. That my involvement would only tarnish things, because I'm not good enough. Not woman enough.

I wish I did not care. I wish it wasn't so deeply engrained in me.

A trans woman, I cannot overcome the feeling that it's lesser, not on the same level of womanhood as being female.

But I always felt something akin to that.

There's far too many men that would look at a wlw relationship and think that it could only be improved by their participation in it.

C shared some beautiful photos from an older shoot, and that the shoot ended up landing her a date with a woman.

I feel like I'm circling the edge of melancholy today.

It got me thinking. About how part of me feels like I'm barred from this kind of life. Regardless of how accepted I am as

Be the change you wish to see.

Put out into the world what you hope to receive from it.

Perhaps, one day, I'll get to feel as thoroughly and unconditionally loved as I feel for those closest.

Not me, using my bsky as the most piss poorly kept secret journal.

It's quieter here for sure, and I have a lot less followers here, which feels strangely like a respite from a larger and more visible stage.

Found the stability I'd hoped for with C. Happy with the clarity and openness.

I was reminded of something that I didn't share, but thought to.

"I want nothing from you.
I want everything for you."

With all due respect, thank you

I know. I have no shame.

"French would be so lovely to learn. It's so romantic. Spanish can be too, but I speak it like Peggy Hill."

-me