Futon man

Well at least the Hell is never stale.
Fresh daily.

I got Kit Kats.

People that are overly nice. What do you want from us?! That's the problem its creepy.

“Is there really no such thing as a stupid question?” he asked idiotically.

I really have to wonder where the people in my head get half of the stupid things they say.

I don't like your attitude, people with good attitudes.

My love language is Latin because it’s dead.

Drink. Drank. Drunk.

If you ever had to dig through the trash to read cooking instructions on a package, I want to be friends

we had fun tho didn’t we

It's more of a scream for sanity than a cry for help.

theres a 69% tariff on my sensuality

choke me I'm bored

sleepy in a way that matters

“No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to die.”

I remember when I was a little kid, “fuck” was the worst thing you could say. Now it’s the most sensible response to everything.

If you can’t handle me at my worst, please just let me out the trunk of your car

u ever take a 5 min nap and dream up a whole lifetime

hello i’m here to socialize from the comfort of my bed

Public displays of pulling a push door.

Massive crowd at Boston’s city hall plaza for the #HandsOff protest against Trump and Musk

Michelin Man is pointing his index at you.

And the Michelin Man removed the tire from his waist and gave it to them, saying, “Take this and drive; for this is my body.”

Your honor my client has eczema

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