Is that normal
03.03.2026 17:30
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Is that normal
I would’ve thought something big suits you
Shorty gave me that shit you only get once in a life time and yeah I’m talking head
When we were young we had Morrowind and Skyrim, now our parents are using phones in nursing homes. How our Elders Scroll into Oblivion. Sad.
Joni Mitchell voice I’ve clapped those cheeks from both sides now
Angel ringing bell for service at a restaurant: uhh can i get the wings?
Gulab jamun, gulab jamun in the name of the Lord
Leftist women wanna date me so bad just so they can put another black square on their instagram
Just found out Krav Maga is an Israeli martial art which explains why in all the instructionals the goal is to restrain your opponent so they can get sniped from a distant rooftop
New @evandiem.bsky.social video up for fans of good music
Call her little lord Jesus the way she laid down that sweet head
I live my life to increase the percentage of the world population who will care that I died from .00000000243902% to .00000060975%
Girls be like “he has to know I’m flirting with him, I have been acting so bizarre every time he’s around.”
Her: is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Me, ridiculously turned on by laundromats: you’re never gonna believe this
Second verse “if it had been a Muslim…”
White ladies love coughing and sneezing into their open palms
Meta Ray-Bans?? Oh, you mean Personal Pan Opticon??
Feminist Shakespeare be like:
Much a dude about nothing
Running a D&D campaign where my party has to travel into deep, dark crevices to fight all the big evil enemies.
I just wanna see if I can give someone multiple orc chasms.
If it were actually a good comedy they’d have called it “It’s Always Funny In Sillydelphia” but they didn’t
"Damn mercury retrograde got me fucked up 😩🤪🥴"
~ someone whose life is always like that
People really sleep on alcohol literally being poison. I know in terms of toxicity it is on the lower side of how much it kills you but still!
Someone will be like “man I drank too much last night and I feel terrible” like yes bro ye doth imbibed a poison most foul, tf!?
Putting a capo on your boobs to turn them from Bs to Cs
At the DMV updating to a REALSuperego
“I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs” I don’t trust you either, because you’re taking your cues from dogs which is exactly what Son of Sam did and look how that turned out
Using mosquitos to strategically put my blood into a slightly different location
Me and the homies taking shots of the stuff you put your Covid swabs in
“The cats pajamas” aka “business attire”
There’s no excuse for a cat being allowed to live to 20. You should not be having a 20th birthday party for an old-ass cat, you should be having a 5th or 6th memorial. Get real.
When someone is “goated with the sauce” it just means “well hydrated”