nordstrom "nosferatu" nostradamus

never meet your heroes. unless they are cool as hell

butt hospital

the cone of uncertainty is vast but it might not be infinite. no one can really say for sure one way or the other

so i don't lick my balls

they put the cone of uncertainty around my neck after the procedure

yeah i don't think nsync had this in mind when they made "digital get down" either

you'll never narrow the cone of uncertainty

having such a better day ever since the barista wrote "sunday funday" on the side of my to-go cup

hey girl i like your initiative. have you considered bringing it forth to the committee?

greninja pokemon shirt

my younger brother recently gave me this christmas present he lost in his closet many years ago. a greninja pokemon shirt. i've never heard of greninja before this. but it may be one of the sexiest pokemon i've ever seen. thanks for the gift, eric

🫴

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you didn't use the moon emoji anyway so fuck off

bruce almighty happened to me in real life. except when i lassoed the moon i accidentally yanked it too hard and it flung out of orbit. so the moon is gone now. we should probably delete the moon emoji. if you're upset about that, i'm sorry, but it was an accident

wwe is cancelled. they settled their differences outside the ring and don't have anything to fight about anymore

stabbing anyone who comes near me with occam's razor

a little bird just kissed my forehead not sure what it said to me, i don't speak bird

looks like adult knees to me

i've peaked there is no point in ever posting again

what is the hat man is chill though

text over the bk kid vid with arms crossed looking cool "That's right, I like watching one piece. One piece of pizza heating up in the microwave"

woke up from sleep madness to make this

they call me snack pack even though it off-pudding

this mf loves poison

21st century neurotypical man

alexa play lumbridge theme song

yep they do. everyone fixates on the trucks balls but just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there

when i was born in radiator springs i fell 6 feet from the birthing canal of a monster truck straight onto the desert floor

i must go there

i'm sorry dude. you're a good person for staying up with him. hopefully they prescribed some sort of pain relief medication in the mean time

a 3d emoji face with no limbs yet has shoes and gloves sitting on a folding chair hunched over with his hands together. you can't tell if he's angry, defeated, praying, or one of the other countless emotions similar to despair or hopelessness. we've all been there. kicked when we're down and the most vulnerable. for example, the power goes out when your toast is halfway done. another example. you have to shit right after you get out of the shower. life is a cruel mistress. some wounds time can't heal and you just have to live with it. every day is another step sleepwalking towards death, and when we finally get to the end of the road, hopefully the good outweighs the bad. and if it doesn't, you can at least find peace knowing that however bad it gets, all rivers end in the same cold sea. it was hamlet who said death is the great equalizer. at least i think so. on the same token, there's a lot of things we don't understand. maybe death isn't the end. maybe we're all connected, maybe this concept of the self is really just some illusion, or some way to make sense of everything by resisting and defying the entropy of the universe. what if you and i are one in the same? would that mean that we're actually all alone? i hope not. i hope everything does end. the alternative is too unbearable. a never ending spiral of space and time where the pain of existence is never ending.

me when i suddenly discover my childhood hero johnny bravo is actually a huge misogynist