Shannon

Gonna join draftkings to bet on eldest daughter being in the summer I turned pretty movie.

I respect the “take the spider outside” community, but it simply could not be me.

When you think about it, Karen Roe walked so Belly Conklin could run.

I had Paddington as my voice on Waze but I have to change it because he’s a little too pro cop. Pooh would be acab.

It was before I was born and we unfortunately lost the tape of it but it was great.

RIP Brian Wilson, you would have loved my dad and godfather playing Sloop John B on guitar but being too high to remember how to end it so they just kept playing it in a circle for like half an hour.

Every time they say “hot appy” on er, I think it sounds like something I’d order at Chili’s.

The real rep tv were the friends we made along the way.

When I say “to be frank,” I mean frank gallagher.

Costar is a prod

Red Sox giveth, Celtics taketh away.

Announcing “day one of conclave: no pope!” at the office like the town crier.

The cardinals are rawdogging.

LC manipulated everything!

The energy of the “she came down in a bubble” video but it’s me talking about Heidi vs LC.

Gardettos call to me like the ocean calls to Moana

My own damn fault for thinking “yeah I’ll add the garlic aioli” at subway.

It doesn’t take much to please me but that was, pun intended, one of the worst things I’ve ever had in my mouth.

I drove by a subway on my way to work today and thought to myself, “huh I haven’t had subway in like ten years, I should try it again.” I thought about it all day. Used to love it in college. I downloaded the fuckass app and everything. Ordered ahead. I had to throw it away. That was repulsive omg.

Not my mom buying the jishes 😭😭😭

I love her tho.

Got a new Pats hoodie (it’s so cute I’m obsessed) and my dad said “wish we could have also given you the gift of them being good, but.” 😭😭😭

Apples and trees and all that

They could put money down and win for sure.

You have to have a diverse friend group. One friend sent me, “merry Christmas! I love you so much!” Another, “MERRY DICKMAS, YOU SLUT.”

Mom scrolling Netflix trying to find something Christmassy: “oh the Boston marathon bombings; that should be fun.”

Uncooperative model

Especially since it’s a holiday. Emotions high, people too busy to pause and think, etc.

Be on the lookout for scammers today! Just had a really convincing one call my mom but thankfully we saw through it. I could easily see older people falling for it.

no offense to Kendrick Lamar but the best diss track of all time is still “You’re a Mean One Mr Grinch”