vmars

born too late to die playing the cello on the Titanic but just in time to blast fetty wap on the JBL as the eagles fly.

I raise you tajin flavored zyn pouches.

I once got stuck in a glass elevator with Kevin sorbo at a convention. He was wasted at 2pm (vibes honestly) and spent the entire time we were stuck explaining to two women in corsets that tits are like potato chips in that you can never eat just one (less vibey for sure). I hate glass elevators.

nobody is defending the FBI. you are an account who follows larger mutual aid and action accounts and follows people from their follower lists while doing nothing but reposting their content to appear active. you are sus as fuck.

bad cop bad cop.

u r police.

@jamieloftus.bsky.social how many people have requested a 16th minute on Mikey, the "hello my future girlfriend" kid and also please?

A virtual certificate with text "Celebrating 10M users on Bluesky, #139,835, vmars ‪@vmars.sextape.mov‬, joined on Jun 21, 2023"

Bluesky now has over 10 million users, and I was #139,835! fuck.

tee'd up perfectly for "CDs nutz" and you don't even swing? boomer energy, ngl.

Me: I want to watch a movie

HBO Max: gotcha, time for HGTV’s new hit Adulterous House Flippers

Me: no I

HBO Max: can three Albanian women find love with one Mormon computer programmer?

Me: please I

HBO Max: 800 lb women have to escape the Amish mafia

Me: alright fine I’ll watch three episodes

the bees keep coming out here and then freezing on the sidewalk the next day

just a reminder if money is getting tight around the holidays :
stop eating and die on the floor, you animal.

executive thoughts and prayers just hit different. mmmm picante.
"I sure hope they decide the genicide is just too much work to get back to. It's OND after all".

You either die a bart or live long enough to become a millhouse.

Increasingly convinced the core divide in humanity is between those who suffer a traumatic, destabilizing event (as we all do) and believe everybody else should have to, too, and those who suffer such an event and hope they are the last person ever to do so.

Is your child texting about Osama bin Laden?

btw = big Taliban win
imho = in my habibi opinion
A/S/L = Abbottabad / safehouse / location?
tldr = taliban libel; didn't read

@yucateco.sextape.mov

there's something incredibly erotic about this...

@yucateco.sextape.mov

A teenage mutant ninja turtle walkie talkie that looks like a turtle shell.

you used to call me on my shell phone

The Bear but it’s me making bombs from the Anarchist Cookbook & saying “yes chef” to a picture of Ted Kaczynski

Babe you must be the summer of 2023 because you’re breaking all previous hotness records and scaring the shit out of everybody.

i swear

maslow's hierarchy of needs was made up by maslow to sell more hierarchies

yo just for clarities sake that is "gay toad beer", correct?

Everybody here is a federal agent except you.