Mona Lott

I'm sorry this is the reality, and I'm really glad they have you in their corner to show all the love & support.

Today has been an absolute shitshow. I am nauseous from stress & not eating or hydrating. I'm going to quickly try to get something in me then pass out. Tomorrow is a new day & it needs to be better than these few days. Either my body will give out or I will have a full mental breakdown.

Ooooh, I'm raking in the blocks today! I'm making up for my long dry spell. People must really be offended by me wanting to go home & be with my dog 😂😂

I hope so too

And I will always come out fighting...
not against others,
but to the parts of me that need to grow.
I'll always choose to be better.
Strong always will.

|ravenwolf

And you already know me.
I don’t ignore the parts that need to be acknowledged.
I don’t hide.
I don’t stay down.
I learn.
I rebuild.
I come back better.
Because strength isn’t control.
Strength is facing yourself when it would be easier not to.

Not someone who stays small when growth is calling.
I refused to live in that ugly reality another day.
So I chose differently.
I chose accountability.
I chose growth.
I chose evolution.
When you see a truth about yourself that embarrasses you,
you have two options...
ignore it,
or change.

Not the polished version of me.
Not the best side.
The flawed one.
The reactive one.
The human one.
And instead of hiding from it, I faced it.
I remembered who I am before all the other stuff had changed me.
Not someone who hurts the people she loves.
Not someone who hides behind pride.

One day it finally hit home what I had become.
The pattern was clear.
And the weight of it hit me all at once and I felt many things.
Shame.
Disappointment.
A deep, sobering sadness.
Not because I wasn’t strong...
but because I wasn’t being honest.
That was the moment the truth set me free.

When things spun beyond my reach, I spiraled too.
I overreacted.
I spread my frustration onto the people closest to me.
I crossed boundaries I should have respected.
I justified my sometimes sharp words.
And slowly, I drifted from the person I had fought so hard to become.

As long as things happened the way I expected, I was okay with it.
Confident.
Certain.
But when control slipped through my fingers...
when life unraveled without my permission,
so did I.
I’d say it didn’t bother me.
Say I could adapt to anything.
Convince myself I was above the chaos.
But I wasn’t.

Composed.
Capable.
Unshakable.
That identity fueled me.
I wore it like armor.
I took pride in being the one who could endure what others couldn’t..
and smile while doing it.
But here’s the truth I kept burying.
I only felt powerful when I was in control.

They always say the truth will set you free.
I’d heard it a hundred times.
Almost thought it might have some truth to it.
Believed I understood it.
But I didn’t.
Not really.
Not until it hit me so hard I couldn’t look away anymore.
I’ve always been the strong one.
The leader.
The alpha in the room.

I managed to fall asleep. I had a horrible nightmare & woke up having a hot flash. I had to go outside to cool off. Now my bestie is up & doing things so there is no going back to sleep.

Come visit me & we'll go stay in a cabin on the coast. I need it too, more than you know. And I need a friend.

Oh Willow, I wish we could! If you were still here I bet your human would have let me crash there for a few days while I am figuring things out. I miss you two so much!

@fungiplays.bsky.social

I'll Never Love Again (from A Star Is Born) (Official Music Video) YouTube video by LadyGagaVEVO

I love this song, it hits home, what about you?
youtu.be/52nfjRzIaj8?...

I can't sleep. I miss my bed, I miss my dog, I just want to go home.

I do too, he has destroyed so many families. I hate that you're part of that group that has experienced this.

I am definitely remembering all the good. I wish we would have kept him, and I'll be watching what he does in Philly.

I am in this same boat with an uncle & also my stepmom, which strains things with my dad. I hope you can reconnect with your uncle & have a good relationship with him. I'm so sorry you couldn't have that with your aunt in her final years.

I was struggling in ways I didn't know how to explain. That doesn't excuse it. But please just know, I never meant to destroy us.

They scare the Hell out of me too. Despite me seeing them drive OK, I don't trust them not failing at some point. And with my luck, it would fail when I am in it.

Some people don't sabotage love because they don't want it. They sabotage it because that love they've always prayed for finally arrived & now they have to face themselves. But that's a conversation you're not ready for.

You didn't need space. You needed discipline. You didn't need time. You needed emotional maturity. Most people run away and call it growth. But growth is facing your mess, fixing your patterns, and learning how to stay. The one you miss didn't ask for a perfect partner. They asked for one who could love through the hard days.

I have had the conversations, I have been facing my demons & working so hard on me. I have grown so much but in one moment I made the worst decision of my life & ruined it all. I don't know if I can repair it. I can't handle this pain.

Made2Menace says Pastor Canner

I'm going with Melanson.

I think it would be amazing if Mackenzie Scott & Melinda Gates teamed up & bought the Seahawks.

In SF they drove really well, but I have read bad things about them too so I had no desire to try them out.