superherofbmx

If I were “rich”, I’d be considered “eccentric” and not a “dirtbag” who uses “air quotes”

why do nerds
suddenly appear
every time
I post here

Laughing until I pass out wouldn’t necessarily “fix me,” but it would be an important, even vital step in the right direction.

Measles was wiped out in the U.S. 25 years ago and now we’re already past 1,000 cases in February because vaccination rates dropped below the safety line. This is what happens when public health gets gutted and people stop trusting basic science.

Klobuchar: "One of the things that most struck me about this State of the Union is that he spent only 2.9 minutes talking about affordability out of an hour and 47 minute speech, and 3.9 minutes talking about healthcare. These are the number one issues on the minds of people."

CULT ALERT.

Have your parents joined a Pickleball group?

Signs include carrying a weird bat around at all times, wearing very short shorts in public and never ever shutting up about fucking Pickleball.

Talk to your parents about the dangers before it's too late.

hamburger help me

When you die, everything that was ever on your phone screen flashes before your eyes

"Don't you realise that this could be the end of the British monarchy?!"

*me

It's The End Of The World As We Know It (and It's About Time)

“still punk as fuck” I whisper as I faint, mid-stretch

“Therapy isn’t enough. I need Jeffrey Epstein’s clients publicly executed.”

INDEPENDENT Playgrounds would become 'crack dens' if Greens were in power, policing minister says

I’m sorry, I know it’s a minor point, but crack dens are traditionally indoor establishments. What the scaremongering Labour minister is describing here is a crack paddock.

I make a great first impression but then gradually go insane.

Your stones are curling? See a doctor.

Trump says "I wanted to be a good boy."

That's the fucking president.

This episode of "Creepy Uncle President" really needs a recast. I can't understand a word that man is saying.

Extraterrestrials demand that the DOJ release the Epstein files unredacted.

[muffled to dental hygienist, blood dripping down my chin]

yeah I hear corduroy is having a moment

Also now that they have drafts here we are so back

Nirvana time (I'm old, shut up)

Can you believe it? I'm being hounded for child support for that sack of flour they gave me to look after in highschool. Vultures.

who just straight up drinks milk, you know that shit was squirted out of them wiggly plump fingery boys dangling off an animal with like 87 stomachs right?

To be fair, everyone is doing it all for the nookie.

I was recently in the area of my childhood home, so I decided to drive by. Once I got there I asked the owners if I could come in just for a few minutes. They said hell no and to get off their property.

My parents are such assholes

ya, if you're smart enough to understand it.