Tom Waits For No Man

My 4 day weekend just turned into a 5 day weekend hell yeah

excellent keming

There's a glitch in the Matrix.

the reading rainbow song is a bop but saying you can go twice as high as a butterfly is hubris

/Bane voice "They even gave me a hate name—Eve Fartlow."

Paul Coffing

Can't believe it's been 13 years already.

The jerk store called. I got the job!

harde klap voor honkbal!

this fucking language is going to kill me i’m sobbing

Gabriel Byrne in Miller's Crossing.

this is my posting uniform. show me yours

And every time it would tell me I was locked, I wasn't actually locked at could still use Twitter normally. Now I don't get any locks or suspensions anymore, despite being extremely combative and profane at all times.

Honestly I don't think my Twitter account can get suspended or locked. I think it got bugged after one of my suspensions, every time I got suspended I just had to file an appeal and it would be automatically unsuspended within minutes.

I just called him mean names and lived to post another day.

Skill issue

Elon Musk dropped and attempted to retrieve his fidget spinner, which landed edgewise and rolled directly into an eight-lane expressway. He has died.

I'm seeking refugee status.

Mostly still on Twitter lol

Calvin's dad photoshopped onto a picture of Ethan Hawke from the movie First Reformed, in the scene where Ethan Hawke's character straps on a bomb vest.

Bill Watterson once he discovers there's an AI comics generator.

welcome to the jungle we got lots of trees we got all the poison snakes and a bunch of chimpanzees

wait a second. long walk... short pier..... my god i'd be soaked. this guy's trying to soak my ass

Oh thank god

can you not show me every goddamn reply on the timeline?

et tu brutus buckeye?