Hell yeah
06.03.2026 12:27
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It's been two weeks since I've stopped drinking. I've decided I'm not going to have another drink until I stop arguing with myself over whether I should have a drink or not. I've given up heroin and cigarettes before. I can do this
06.03.2026 10:19
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😂
06.03.2026 10:18
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Stop calling them Nazis. They're MAGA fascists and should be remembered as such
06.03.2026 08:16
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And of course she wouldn't actually call it an orgasm during the passionate love making. She'd call it something stupid like give it a human name and say "oh I just Dave'd the hot next door neighbor"
06.03.2026 07:24
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Whether you go left or right; on a finite plane you'll eventually return to the same spot you started
Wife: what? Why would you say that? I was just about to orgasm!
06.03.2026 07:22
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Yeah well you look like you read at s 3rd grade level.
What do you mean "ad lib"? I thought this was the ad hom comedy night!
06.03.2026 06:40
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That person is me. I am my own worst enemy
06.03.2026 06:29
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There is always someone at the ready to remind you of some shit from your past that you were trying to forget.
06.03.2026 05:30
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Finally, after 3 months of work, injuries and general aloofness I'm getting back out on the creeks tomorrow.
Heading to the Caledonian goldfields in suburban Melbourne to see if we can hunt some shiny.
Video to follow soon.
06.03.2026 06:28
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*pointing to a single basket*
Me: These are my eggs.
*a majestic hawk elegantly swoops down to effortlessly carry my eggs away*
Me: Well, fuck.
06.03.2026 05:42
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Imagine your parents hating you so much they name you Markwayne.
06.03.2026 05:24
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All I want is to burn a dozen logs of maple wood in the fireplace while looking at the darkness outside
06.03.2026 03:19
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8:00: starts work
8:07: works out how long until home time
8:08: can’t do mental maths this early
8:30: yeah, this is a much easier
increment to calculate
8:31: feels deflated again when I work out the answer
06.03.2026 04:46
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Jokes?
06.03.2026 06:04
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What a cunt.
Is that antisemitic, ASIO and Australian federal government
06.03.2026 06:03
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it's crazy to look back at the past 25 years and see how much this country has changed. it used to be that yo-yo tricks could get you laid.
06.03.2026 00:22
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The best thing about getting a cup of tea at a diner in the US is how they pull a crushed Lipton tea bag out of a cob-webbed box that's been there since the Bush administration.
02.03.2026 21:53
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Shfourteenteen
06.03.2026 04:10
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Just like a mechanic, both are in a very exclusive club where they do their best work on their backs
06.03.2026 03:54
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Same between Australia and New Zealand with our sheep fucker jokes.
06.03.2026 03:53
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Statistically one of you has to be the kid that pulled his pants and underwear down to their ankles to pee at the urinal in elementary school. You can’t hide
10.05.2024 10:51
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The "O" in "O Canada" stands for "omelette"
06.03.2026 02:21
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And my axe
06.03.2026 02:21
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put my symptoms into WebMD and it said I have a really old joke format
05.03.2026 02:57
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*whips out an emergency potato masher*
Think warm thoughts
06.03.2026 02:20
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Just cleaned my feet with a Lysol wipe. Have at me, bro.
06.03.2026 01:18
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Ohh that's a deep burn
06.03.2026 02:18
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