Wonder Park

Found em, they are in line for our dark ride “extinction event.”

Traces of lead have been detected in our souvenir cups. They are now 50% off while supplies last.

That or positive affirmations.

Please don’t feed the Wonder staff members.

There is a small church meeting in the amphitheater this morning. Do not drink the punch they are trying to hand out to park goers.

Locations on map are designated with an 🤷‍♂️ icon.

We’ve updated our park map! It now includes all the places you can sit down and question your life choices.

We tried to invite the Women’s Olympic Hockey Team for a parade down Main Street but they said, and I quote, “Who?”

We do sell lactaid in our gift shops but it would be a waste of money as the only place that actually uses real milk is the Log Flume.

Word of warning, the rats are not the smartest. If you’re wearing one of our cat ear headbands from the gift shop, they may mistake you for a cat and attack.

So is that cheap or nah?

You selling it?

At Wonder Park we have a team of trained agressive rats to help rid us of our stray cat problem.

A perfect pairing.

To the guest who was just struck by lightning. If you’re good, we good. If you need medical attention, meet us in the alley behind the food court…for uh…medical examinations.

We’ve been asked this a lot so I want to make sure we’re clear on this.

The in-house therapist, located in the gift shop of the haunted house, does NOT accept insurance. All visits are OUT OF POCKET.

This is a FAMILY ESTABLISHMENT. Do you want your photo on the wall of shame…again??

All kids are practically the same. Be grateful for what you have. Any complaints, please submit to Hush-Hush

Tunnel of love broke down today. We’re not gonna say why, just that some of y’all need Jesus.

Dare you!

YOU’RE BANNED

Anyone know how to operate a fryer? Our cook called out and we gots Mayo Cubes to fry!

NEW CONCERT ANNOUNCEMENT!

The Ferris Wheel is loose and rolling down Main Street. We need as many people to stand in front of it to try and block it before it rolls out of the park!

Abrí el refrigerador y me juzgó. Las naranjas le susurraban secretos a la mostaza, y la tostadora amenazó con sindicalizarse. El tiempo es un sándwich, la realidad es la servilleta, y soy alérgico a los martes. Si la luna sigue guiñándome el ojo, le voy a mandar una factura.

In case it wasn’t clear, we will be showing old games on VHS. We can’t afford the rights to stream anything new.

Upside, Hush-Hush will be performing at Halftime.

TV Cart on wheels with old TV on top.

We will have a tv set up in the food court on Sunday to watch the Super Bowl.

You work here Craig. You’re the one who’s supposed to be cleaning it up!

Saying “Monday’s, am I right?” Isn’t a valid excuse for spray painting genitalia on the bathroom walls.

New Vomit Finder feature added to our park map app.