Danny Boy

Middle-aged man seeking similar aged woman with GSOH, who preferably enjoys long walks, the ocean, books, and movies. Must be capable of wielding a broken wine bottle against demonic beasts from a hellish dimension.

You may have arrived early, but love is always on time.

Explaining the difference between a pedophile, hebephile and ephebophile just makes it look like you’re all three.

99% of what matters to me is in this image.

Whilst AI represents an actual existential threat to the workplace, the New York Times decides to run an article about… women ruining the workplace.

She’s thinking about my books. ♥️😍📖

OH, SO NOW A MUSLAMIC HALLALIST CAN BECOME MAYOR OF A BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN CITY JUST BECAUSE HE/SHE/IT RECIEVED MORE VOTES THAN THE FINE UPSTANDING WHITE GENTLEMAN? DEMOCRACY IS DEAD. SO SAD.

Peak capitalism is corporations receiving tax breaks for being “job creators” whilst cutting hundreds of thousands of jobs.

After I die, I expect at least an 18 month period to pass before my grieving wife wears vinyl leggings.

The Dallas Cowboys visited an orphanage yesterday.

“It’s heartbreaking to see their sad little faces, devoid of all hope,” said Kyle, aged 6.

Israel may be out of the World Cup but there’s still a chance they can qualify by just turning up and claiming they have an inalienable right to be there.

Anyone got an ETA on the pass part of “This too shall pass”?

Ana De Armas can’t take her eyes off my big books. 👀📚

“God, you’re tight!” I whisper as I do my monthly budget.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhft Punk

Breaking: Trump declares Indiana Jones a wanted Antifa Terrorist.

Now that Nicole Kidman is single, I’m giving her a 4 week window to shoot her shot with me.

The number of gun deaths in USA since Charlie Kirk was killed is approximately 2056.

The anti-f antibody develops after a person is exposed to the f antigen.

Science bitches!

ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘈𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘧𝘢. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.

During summertime there is an increase in ice cream consumption, and also an increase in drowning incidents. Therefore, ice cream causes drowning. This is the kind of stupidity Trump and his cohorts are applying to medicine.

They’re referring to the brand name Tylenol because there’s no fecking way these brainless numpties could stand in front of media repeating Acetaminophen, or N-acetyl-para-aminophenol, without their dumb gums falling out.

To my darling wife. When I die, I also want pyrotechnics at my memorial. Thanks in advance. ⚡️

It’s only a rapture if it’s from the rapatuere area of France. Otherwise it’s sparkling eschatological psychosis.

There seems to be a civil war between Charlie Kirk’s supporters and Charlie Kirk’s own words. Facinating.

Noor Hindi ♥️🖤

Breaking: Vladimir Putin heaps praise on Donald Trump, describing the US President as “Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy, then?”

😶

Nikita Gill 🙏🖤

I am begging you to care about children being deliberately starved to death.

"I’m not the Antichrist. I’m just a guy from Birmingham who got lucky."

—Ozzy Osbourne