matty rendell

the shit times
and the fun times
are never far apart
they are always connected
that’s why the gooch is the most philosophically relevant part of the body

my neurodivergent ass when im told we’re not having takeaway for dinner on a Thursday

my 5 year old said to me in the car “dad what did you wanna be when you grew up when you were a kid?”
I said “an ice cream man” and she said “well why aren’t you doing that?”
and I’m having an existential crisis

after giving my balls this week to heal post vasectomy I’m on medical instruction to cum at least 20 times in the following 3 months which I’m obviously not gonna do cos I’m a man and why should I listen to the doctor

threw all caution to the wind and drank non diet sprite pray for my mind

what if lady gaga did a collab with travis barker?

5 years living that alcohol free life today

anyone else feel concerned about the state of the world?

don’t just accept the price on amazon just because it’s convenient
temu also has great prices

my 2 year old is on steroids and I just booked a vasectomy

not my ass giving system of a down - prison song a round of applause for being one of the best political songs of all time

I’m at the playground next to the beach and there’s this dude who just ran with two young active wear ladies and he said to them “playgrounds are the best thing for kids hey”

watching the truman show

for real

this was posted on fb marketplace by this old man in wodonga who if you explore his profile is a nudist

gonna show all of becs family those chicken shop date videos at christmas lunch

for my age group I’m testing at dangerous levels for both

Jesus Christ

Im having an emergency vasectomy to stop the excessive wet dreams

ebenezer scrooge is gonna be on the joe rogan experience according to sources on x

I cried when I seen this

npr should be providing artists with a standing desk not a tiny one

is pizza dough bread??

raygun this
raygun that
what about me?
I’m a dumbass too

this is for australian bluesky:
discount chemist warehouse is built to make you feel awkward and socially anxious which is why I love it you all get to experience how I feel all the time and I get to feel peace it’s my favourite shop

I’m on a bread cleanse

💪💪

just told my boss about no cuss december and then said but I can’t do it this year too much shit going on

raygun is starting to give cringe vibes

anyone else getting ick from drake?