Sam Grittner

“Well, that depends on what the definition of jizz is” - Bill Clinton, testifying about Epstein today

when all sound stops and all you taste is ash because you start to understand you might not be able to watch the season finale of INDUSTRY live on Sunday, March 26th at 9pm eastern

ok its time for the feelings post:
folks the show Strip Law comes out tomorrow on Netflix

i never thought id get my own thing to show everyone what i think is funny. i spent the last 2.5ish years (along with tons of other creatives to be lauded later) putting my entire being into this show...

“Brought to you by the NBA? I tip my trunks to you, National Bath Association, you’ve truly whet my appetite for more soggy sports!”

Orgies?! Oh hell no, I don’t even like being in a group chat.

If you don’t want to be a called a Nazi then stop doing Nazi shit.

Ask your doctor if questions are right for you.

"Makin' online jokes done lost it's flavor," he spit into the dying fire. "I think I'm quit."

"Maybe it's quit a' you," answered a voice from deep within him.

"Maybe" he replied, chewing the last of his beans.

In the distance some coyotes gibbered. Almost like laughter.

"Maybe"

Oh hey I adopted a dog last year. This is Rosco and this is my favorite picture of him, just absolutely crashed out after partying for a week straight

Orgies?! Oh hell no, I don’t even like being in a group chat.

It’s so cool that Steve Bannon hasn’t faced any consequences for being The Pedophile Rehabilitator. He was besties with Epstein RIGHT BEFORE he went to jail the 2nd time but I still see him being quoted like he’s a Serious Person instead of part of the elite cabal he’s a card carrying member of

“Who brings a gun to a protest?!”

If you don’t want to be a called a Nazi then stop doing Nazi shit.

The Oregon Trail but instead of fjording a river you throw used car batteries in it. Instead of killing animals for meat you build a data center in the forest. Instead of dying from dysentery you die from smallpox AND dysentery.

Great news: I finally overcame my imposter syndrome! Bad news: I killed my identical twin.

LeBron James is French for ‘the Bron James.’

TRUMP: “The time has come to send the Mayor of Chicago and the Governor of Illinois to gitmo!”

DEMOCRATS via text message: “THIS IS NOT NORMAL! Reply with a $25 donation to make your voice heard! We will NOT be afraid! We will NOT shut up! We will NOT do anything beyond convey empty rhetoric!”

I’m begging all of you: please stop pulling over and asking if I need a ride. I’m giving you a thumbs-up so you know you’re doing a good job driving. Also, yes. I do need a ride.

Mr. Beast is going to win an Emmy for a video called something like, “LAST ORPHAN OUT AT THE MURDER-SUICIDE MANSION!”

Is the news leaving you depressed? Does the world make you sad now? Is each day worst than the one before? WELCOME TO HOW I’VE FELT MY ENTIRE LIFE, bitches! Shit sucks, don’t it? Just SMILE!

The Oregon Trail but instead of fjording a river you throw used car batteries in it. Instead of killing animals for meat you build a data center in the forest. Instead of dying from dysentery you die from smallpox AND dysentery.

INCUMBENT TITTY SUCKER, BQ, DOESN’T HAVE THE GUTS TO TAKE ME ON! LESS SUCKING TITTIES, BRYAN! LESS SUCKING IN GENERAL [insert Ron Swanson gif] - GN

Come see me perform stand-up comedy one last time! Sat. June 21st at the Pine Box Rock Shop in BK. $10, all proceeds going to the Ali Forney Center to help at-risk LGBTQ+ youth.

7pm! Travis is hilarious, Lucy is a comedy genius, plus, me?!

Times are tough right now. I just went to cross a bridge and my local troll only asked me to solve his riddles two.

Times are tough right now. I just went to cross a bridge and my local troll only asked me to solve his riddles two.

Thank you so much, good sir!

🥹🥹🥹❤️❤️❤️

Happy belated bday! Thank you! I’ll take some more pics

Happy belated 4/20 + Easter

“He has resin.”