Squishy

Okay after playing more deadlock I finally got put into a rank I think fits me better ( I was ranked WAY too highly before ) and also I really like playing Victor a lot

I want to work on not feeling so frustrated at myself for feeling so stupid

this OS is so bad dude

Also.. ive been doing some tabletop rpg stuff lately and I actually quite enjoy it but wow im so bad at the roleplaying part, its kinda embarrassing just playing a character in that way.

Those last drawings I did made me think it is really fun making quick little doodles of some cute guys for concepts, game characters really can just be cute little guys...

If I have too much joy sometimes I get a headache, too much smiling, laughing, or I guess happy chemicals. Headache.

doodled this guy in a drawpile

And even if the control scheme is uncomfortable for some I have to admit its a really creative control scheme for the system it was made for

But that's I think the only bad thing people even say about it, If that game got an updated port onto a platform with a more comfortable control scheme would it suddenly be a near perfect game then?

I say I have small hands only because the game was known for being "uncomfortable" controls wise but I never really felt uncomfy somehow

I mean I like a lot of RPGs on the 3DS a lot like Bravely Default, SMTIV, or Fire Emblem Awakening. But if I had to choose a non RPG it'd probably be Kid Icarus Uprising, That game is so charming I don't know if there's a single bad thing I have to say about it (I have small hands)

Lately I've been really nostalgic with Kid Icarus Uprising it was I think my favorite 3DS game

and also this way it's much easier to weed out people you feel you should keep distance from because, well getting a read on someone is easier if it's 1 on 1, all your focus is on them so it'll be much faster to see if they're a little creepy to you

this is for people who are already trying to be nice- But favoring more 1 on 1 interactions can help the most I find, I do like groups but if you take the time to spend time with each individual before hand it can result in the group feeling richer for you

If you act sad all the time it can push away empathetic folk which is ironic, if you act mean all the time it can push away kind folk, But if you act nice all the time it could also attract crazies and manipulative folk. There's always a trade-off but- I think there's a way to navigate it all

So lately I've tried speaking up and giving these people 'warnings' not as a way to police them but from the angle of 'Hey if you want to be surrounded by nice people maybe act in this way instead?' because if you act that mean all the time... the only people around you are going to be insufferable

I feel this feeling the most in volatile spaces like has anyone ever come across just genuine bullies or generally abrasive people and felt sorry for them
Like the kind of future they will have will be lonely, and you can say they deserve it but it still makes me feel sorry for them in a way

It feels like walking into the bears den y'know. Like it would most likely end in me just being berated or attacked, But to me it's like the bear is suffering too and I still want to help this thing that just wants to destroy me

I have compassion for people who hate me for some reason, like wanting to help someone who hates me is impossible but y'know I guess I can't really stop that feeling from welling up in me it might be a personality trait

plant is cuuute, and this winter flygon I did a while back too

also doodled these around when u100 came out

Also this silly guy I designed for a friends DnD-like game, I get kinda embarrassed roleplaying though haha

I drew moth again for some reason

What do you even do when nothing gives back to you anymore, none of your hobbies do anything for you, all the interactions with friends still leaves you feeling empty and alone no matter what

I feel like I have no desire to do anything lately, like I'm forcing myself to play video games, Forcing myself to study, Forcing myself to draw, Forcing myself to talk to people

I embarrass myself a lot but I guess that's okay... I just wonder if I'll ever be where I want to be, I want to surprise myself because I can't even imagine attaining what I want.

I'm always sooo bad about feeling like all of my efforts are for nothing, I just want to skip to the end...