Itβs gotta be so crazy to get on a train in NYC and π§π¨π see the subway takes guy
03.08.2025 19:02
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Itβs gotta be so crazy to get on a train in NYC and π§π¨π see the subway takes guy
There was a long beep today at the Hogan residence. He wasnβt hooked up to a heart monitor, he was just saying the n word one last time
If only all those pops were because a billionaire was around #4thofjuly
Anytime thereβs a shit head comic in a scene, the resolve is to tell them to go to Austin. Itβs the detention center for shit head comics
If thereβs a problem with one of the bros in your bro group, you canβt just kick him out, he has the right to dude process
βDo you watch Kill Tony?β
No, I did open mics for 8 years, I donβt need to watch one online
Me drunk coming home to a frozen dinner:
youtu.be/XPvtFqbeyD4?...
I notice he didnβt put tariffs on Russian mail order brides π
I donβt wanna brag but I can also blackout not economically
Iβve been doing an economic blackout since 1985 πͺ
Headlining Comedy Works Downtown tomorrow! Come see me before DOGE takes half my jokes and 2 of my openers!
Sun 2/23 at 7 PM
comedyworks.com/comedians/ma...
If they were trying to do an accurate remake of The Crow they wouldβve had Alex Baldwin on set
Now that Kendrick blasted Drake at the Super Bowl I hear Drake is gonna fire back at the Kids Choice Awards
π€air force oneπ€
Guys he didnβt mean anything by it, he just waves like that because heβs racist
One of the best parts about standup comedy is reading people explaining the jokes to each other in the comments
If I played basketball and I made a 3, id show all three of my nipples
Oh fuck that was supposed to go on X, my bad
Just nutted
I will be accepting awards for this post immediately π
A cpap machine but on your ass for farts. Is that anything?
You know who the biggest alpha is? *turns hat and chair backwards* Jesus Christ
I think I speak for all men when I say βmy name is mattβ