With this hand, I will gas up ur big mood
Your cup will never ghost u, for I will be ur gin and juice
With this legit af fire, I will light ur side quest in shade
With this rizz, I cop u as mine fr
This Thanksgiving, whether you reach for an Oreo, a Thin Mint, or a homemade chocolate chip, remember to thank Fred Durst for all he did so you can take that cookie.
If you elect me president I will make Keanu Reeves and Dave Grohl live together and live stream it.
“My truck is arrowproof! My truck is bulletproof” I shout out the vehicle’s window as autopilot drives me down a busy street at 60 mph. The AI mistakes a plastic bag blowing in the wind for a boulder and swerves off a bridge
She was rare, like a Russian oligarch who didn’t die from falling out a window.
Be right back…I have to pretend that I’m perfectly calm while we gracefully fall from 30,000 ft onto a concrete slab with little blinking lights.
Feel free to lie to babies. They don’t have Wikipedia access
High-five me father for I have sinned
black velvet in that little boy's smile
probly means he hasn't flossed in a while
never forget to do your quacks
Look at me, I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree. No, seriously, what was in those gummies, man?
by law, an alligator has to release his grip on you if you tell him you'll see him later. look it up.
[into walkie talkie] I think we should see other people
Crazy to think that before the car horn was invented you had to throw a goose at someone if they cut you off in traffic
People who write sentence fragments.
cookin up 30-50 filipino box spring hogs
I want to learn how to post on a grain of rice like a monk
im friend adjacent. im a friend style figure.
if this fucks up my hummus supply chain im going to blow up a bridge
Is this even real imposter syndrome?
Please don’t take my lack of posting on recent events as a sign that I don’t care - understand that I’m carefully studying everything that’s transpiring and won’t be issuing any statements until I’ve arrived at the worst possible opinion
forgot to set my alarm, so here i am once again waking up late for work, no time for coffee, submerged in a vat of aged cow blood, car keys nowhere in sight
Nuance? You want nuance?
We've got perfectly good ance at home.
I got an A for affort on the spelling test
A shark can swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.
