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Jesse Hassenger

@rockmarooned

Writer & editor & stuff.

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01.07.2023
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Latest posts by Jesse Hassenger @rockmarooned

My 10yo is in the school play version of it this spring!!!!

06.03.2026 19:20 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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Every Coen Brothers Movie, Ranked Thirty years ago, in the March 8, 1996 edition of the Chicago Sun-Times, Roger Ebert declared Fargo, which opened in theaters that day, β€œone of the best films I’ve ever seen.” Joel and Ethan Coen, who...

If you'd like to wish a happy 30th anniversary to FARGO, my old editor Mark and I have done you one better and paid tribute (of sorts) to each of the 22 movies directed by Joel and/or Ethan Coen. RANKED! if you care about that sort of thing. www.insidehook.com/film/every-c...

06.03.2026 14:01 πŸ‘ 9 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 1

I went and saw Ratboys tonight and the lead gal and one of the guitarists played back to back at one point and then she referred to that as going "the full Emperor's New Groove" and after a beat I knew exactly what she meant and forever thus I will think of it that way

06.03.2026 04:03 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
A Reductress post features a photo of Kristi Noem with the headline, β€œKristi Noem Put Down for Being Too Hard to Train”

A Reductress post features a photo of Kristi Noem with the headline, β€œKristi Noem Put Down for Being Too Hard to Train”

Screaming

05.03.2026 22:00 πŸ‘ 16370 πŸ” 3332 πŸ’¬ 252 πŸ“Œ 171

I've liked all of the big Lord/Miller movies but I get the distinct impression they spent the pandemic era memorizing all the praise they ever received on social media. That would explain both the self-important sprawl of PROJECT HAIL MARY and the third SPIDER-VERSE movie they plum forgot to make.

05.03.2026 03:14 πŸ‘ 5 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 1
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Hoppers is a reminder of how good, and weird, Pixar can be when it aims small Hoppers isn't as emotionally powerful as the best Pixar movies, but its depictions of the animal world are delightfully weird.

HOPPERS is out this week! Cute stuff, not as Silicon Valley-brained as Andrew Stanton's live-action movie (but a little Silicon Valley-brained). Maybe the best Pixar since TURNING RED? (It's not as great as TURNING RED.) www.avclub.com/hoppers-revew

02.03.2026 17:04 πŸ‘ 9 πŸ” 2 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

People seem excited by a new SCARY MOVIE and I'm sorry, I know there are tons of horror movies that can be richly parodied but the basic framework of "let's do a SPOOF of SCREAM!!!" will never not be stupid to me!

02.03.2026 15:50 πŸ‘ 6 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

The fair assessment of "not enough songs in the second half" from the daughter. Man Chazelle really knows how to end a movie, though.

02.03.2026 00:16 πŸ‘ 6 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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Another day of sun

01.03.2026 21:15 πŸ‘ 10 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

I think that's one of those cases where having the whole mess o' Pixar staffers around might make sure it's not a problem. I hope!

27.02.2026 20:36 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

haha I have no real beef with JOHN CARTER but you know if it was even GODS OF EGYPT level I wouldn't shut up about it

27.02.2026 20:17 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Stanton reaching new levels of failing to direct his actors here

27.02.2026 20:10 πŸ‘ 2 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
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A Pixar director turns a self-important TED Talk into sci-fi with In The Blink Of An Eye In The Blink Of An Eye is smaller-scale and more grown-up than other live-action features from Pixar alumni. It's still bad.

Hoooo boy, Andrew Stanton! I was not transported by the TED Talk (and honestly kinda Musk-coded) millennia-spanning sci-fi of IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE. www.avclub.com/in-the-blink...

27.02.2026 20:08 πŸ‘ 5 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 2 πŸ“Œ 1
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Netflix or Paramount: who would be the best new owner of Warner Bros? The ongoing battle over for the iconic film studio is set to have a major impact on what we, the viewers, get to watch

I know it's reductive to say "Team Netflix!" but when the other option is rapacious consolidation by a studio cozying up to Trump and excited about their upcoming Rush Hour and Angry Birds sequels...... yeah sorry Team Netflix. Team nobody buys WB, really, but... www.theguardian.com/film/2026/fe...

26.02.2026 20:29 πŸ‘ 7 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 1
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Scream 7 is a humorless lowpoint for the iconic franchise Neve Campbell returns for a movie that's entertaining enough but doesn't seem to know why it exists

After a decent opening stretch, SCREAM 7 lands somewhere between a yikes and a sigh. Didn't this series used to be about horror movies? www.polygon.com/scream-7-nev...

26.02.2026 14:54 πŸ‘ 10 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

We admit that David Hyde Pierce is the only actually famous one I guess!!

25.02.2026 18:36 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0
Hall of Distinction - Saratoga City School District Each year the Saratoga Springs High School Hall of Distinction honors outstanding individuals for their extraordinary professional and community accomplishments. Hall of Distinction RecipientsΒ  2014: ...

Assuming there's a NO MOVIE CRITICS sign on my alma mater's HALL OF DISTINCTION www.saratogaschools.org/about-us/hal...

25.02.2026 18:03 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

But do you have a HALL OF DISTINCTION??

25.02.2026 18:02 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

They should make some more operations fortune, some more ruses de guerre if you will

25.02.2026 16:59 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

If you're the type of person who gets upset when a period piece takes place during a certain year and it features a song that wasn't released until the following year, you know what I'm talking about.

21.02.2026 00:25 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

My answer is complicated three way tie. I’ve been ejected from the cinema twice with @rockmarooned.bsky.social. Once we went to watch the rest of the movie the next day and were disappointed. A long time ago we talked about it in a group chat with our wives and transcribed into a blog post.

20.02.2026 01:11 πŸ‘ 4 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 1

Movies don't usually make me too angry but listening to Harmony Korine do a Q&A after SPRING BREAKERS did the trick. Feel like history has since vindicated me a bit there.

19.02.2026 01:49 πŸ‘ 3 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Playing Friday night in beautiful Manhattan New York

19.02.2026 00:51 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

”Dad play BTS and NOT Built to Spill”

I guess I only get to do that the one time.

17.02.2026 23:24 πŸ‘ 7 πŸ” 1 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

I usually leave as much stupid stuff in as possible for color, but Ben's vile anti-Kunis propaganda could not stand!!!! (Without at least also dragging her husband.)

17.02.2026 17:14 πŸ‘ 1 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Ha, ah, well, honestly that conversation came out a little oblique because Ben doesn't mention her name upfront so I cut most of it. But you've defended her in spirit.

17.02.2026 17:06 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 3 πŸ“Œ 0
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R.I.P. Robert Duvall: Great in the movies you already know, and great in some you may not have seen Here we present five Duvall deep cuts β€” pictures that didn’t get cited in detail in the mainstream obits.

In which I recommend some Robert Duvall deep cuts: decider.com/2026/02/17/r...

17.02.2026 15:17 πŸ‘ 83 πŸ” 25 πŸ’¬ 3 πŸ“Œ 5

His virility is never in question

17.02.2026 04:18 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 0 πŸ“Œ 0

Because of 9/11

17.02.2026 03:46 πŸ‘ 0 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 0

Everyone is saying Heathcliff this and Cathy that... but what of Luann this, and Gunther that?

17.02.2026 03:10 πŸ‘ 5 πŸ” 0 πŸ’¬ 1 πŸ“Œ 1