Savage Tapioca

"Any key learns for you?"

"Yes, I've just learned people are saying 'key learns' so i'm going to go set my hair on fire now."

How long does it take a Happy Meal to start working?

I’m fluent in saying “ohhhhh” when I still don’t understand.

ME: I decided to cook for our 1st date
DATE: nice
ME: I’m sort of a foodie
DATE: ok
ME: *sets down plate* these are shaped like dinosaurs

ICE agents reveal daily arrest quotas and surveillance app in rare court testimony Under oath, officers said they were told to make eight arrests a day and given special tech to help choose ‘targets’

When a federal judge (finally) put ICE officers under oath, they admitted that they are given daily detention quotas and rely heavily on a Palantir-supplied AI tool to select targets, without warrants and without enough evidence to obtain one. They simply go into neighborhoods and round people up.

wow really who knew

I'm not judgemental and shitty, that's just what my face does

"I got my PhD by writing prompts instead of doing research, I'm winning"

got some bad news, there still no jobs and now you also know nothing

Oh my God no one in this administration actually cares about Jewish people, you know that, right?

A picture of a spray bottle that reads, "method. DAILY WOOD CLEANER."

I've been using this everyday but it's given me a horrible rash down there 🫤

I shaved your balls for this?

So has anybody seen ANY active duty military members defying orders since this war is OBVIOUSLY unconstitutional?

no?

Well, let's put the whole "remember your oaths to the Constitution" shtick to rest. The military isn't saving us.

Morning.

As a teenager I thought Dead Rising was such an amazingly unique concept cause no one had ever thought of combining zombies and a mall.

the Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy quote I think of most often these days is, “What do you mean, why’s it got to be built? It’s a bypass. You’ve got to build bypasses.”

Any connection to certain modern technologies is purely coincidental, and mostly harmless.

My financial trajectory has gone from not being able to afford concert tickets to not being able to afford tribute band concert tickets.

My cat sleeps all day and then keeps me awake all night so this gave me a good laugh.
Credit - @dagnylill on Instagram

you know what, go ahead and put in the newspaper that i got mad

A cartoon by Ron Cobb (1975), showing a shadow of US B-52 bomber above cratered landscape. Two people who look like Vietnamese peasants look up; one says “they’re having problems with their economy again.”

This is from 1975.

I hate how math is forced to continuously justify itself by its uses and it can't just be allowed to stand on its own.

Humans have done art for thousands of years because that's what humans do. It's the same with math. Humans reason about pretend things that don't matter, and that's okay.

ooooh temu figured out it's now shorthand for "cheap off-brand garbage" and is not happy about it

It's amazing that all these "evil" countries we've been invading coincidentally also have oil reserves.

mcgruff the crime dog on instagram (@mcgruffatncpc) standing next to the text "VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN PLEDGE"

crime dog you gotta find some better wording for this

The ADL represents the Stephen Miller wing of American Jews—and that’s it. They’ve betrayed the community they claim to defend.

ADL condemns Zohran Mamdani for hosting Mahmoud Khalil at mayor’s mansion ‘Gracie Mansion belongs to all New Yorkers. Public office must never be used to legitimize hate,’ an ADL spokesperson said

fuck the ADL

All of the persecution that right wingers claim to face is what should actually happen to them.

We're not discriminating against you, just healthcare procedures you decide on with your doctor.
We're not discriminating against you, we just opened a bounty on you using the bathrooms in public spaces.
We're not discriminating against you, we just retroactively canceled your ID.
We're not disc-

I love how the Star Trek TNG pilot is like this richly imaginative piece of science fiction with interplanetary politics, interesting characters, a trickster god, giant alien jellyfish, philosophy, a dash of fan service...

And then the next episode is “Data fucks”

I have the same issue. My flavor of autism means I don't always know who's lying. So it's really hard to accept a compliment. Never sure if they mean it.

So, I don't give compliments. I point out truths, as I see them. If you feel better after that, that's on you.