flamby ✨🐝

The sacred light of the device brings us all together again

The gap in my resumé? My best years going slowly down the drain.

a restaurant without free refills is a thirst trap

something underappreciated about Trump is that nobody loves falling asleep in boring, interminable meetings more than him

The gap in my resume is from being released into the wild.

say what you will about me but I would never date a guy named Dylan

why are taters the only thing we’ve totted

a magic carpet that can’t fly but can do a really good coin vanish

there is nothing more humbling than getting passport photos taken

Letting an account I just followed smell my hand before I riff in their replies

my parents finally said they are proud of me and honestly it lived up to the hype

my adhd is off the c-h-a what if the horizon was velcro on its last rip

forget nudes i want to see a full body x-ray

everyone on bluesky should get a tamagotchi. and to keep it alive you have to make good posts

it should be socially acceptable to lick your plate clean if the meal was so good it moved you to do so

kids, i am under tornado watch so if nature decides to rip me away i expect all of you to avenge me

why did women stop wearing big poofy dresses i could have hidden so many snacks under there

Referring to human conversation as “Private Podcasts for Premium Members”

This can't be the same brain that knew all the channel numbers

cow of bunga

impress your waiter by ordering gazpacho by its proper name, vegetable blood

Not for fame, but for love of the game.
[eatin sausage biscuit]

i was built for the streets. i am a unicycle.

thank you for following me person who follows almost 40k others i look forward to you never once seeing any of my posts

getting a fake ID that says im 38 so they dont kick me off bluesky for being underage

there are hot people and there are smart people, and then there's me and i eat a lot of bacon

i want drugs that get rid of the need for sleep

happy birthday 🥰

i'm not a girl not yet an asteroid floating through space and time

If you're a vegan it is okay to eat a comet but not so much an asteroid because they're a little meteor