I was today years old when I found out that I’m terribly unoriginal
04.03.2026 09:00
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News program screen cap: move over Xanax, here comes LSD
when it’s time adjust my medication again—
04.03.2026 10:31
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🎶 Retractable Penis
[King Missile voice]
04.03.2026 08:31
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🎼YUM
04.03.2026 08:28
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Pleased to report that I have, just recently, imagined all the people.
22.05.2025 03:16
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ME: oh, you just let everyone touch you, don’t you? some of us have standards, you know
GRASS:
02.03.2026 04:41
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"Meet the new Boss! Same as the old Boss!"
- Roger Daltrey, after cloning Bruce Springsteen
03.03.2026 22:50
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Just ordered a nothingburger with everything on it
27.02.2026 23:18
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When I'm casually making tacos, I add nonchalantro
03.03.2026 04:14
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"Your finest Scotch, please."
"Yes, sir," the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.
26.02.2026 18:40
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I knew I should've copied that one over to BlueSky. 😎
26.02.2026 18:39
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pigeon: (n.) the distance a pig travels in one eon
04.07.2023 18:33
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Turned on the exhaust fan and immediately started yawning
25.02.2026 21:09
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why do nerds
suddenly appear
every time
I post here
25.02.2026 19:45
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Hi!
25.02.2026 22:23
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PAGLIACCI: My name's Pagliacci and I'm here to say, my mood's affecting work in a terrible way
DOC: My friend, don't fret, don't wear that frown. I hear there's a wonderful performer in town
PAGLIACCI: Doc, are you listening? That performer is me, and I'm having trouble doing it with anxiety
24.02.2026 15:59
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Hey, nice, I'm in this. 💚
25.02.2026 08:05
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I cut Mario off in traffic and he threw a green shell into my face. everything tastes like sour cream and onion now. broke two vertebrae
01.01.2026 04:43
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a comet is just a
rock on vacation
23.02.2026 17:35
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ME: Hey, what condiment is that?
FRIEND: Soy sauce.
ME: Sauce, ¿qué condimento es eso?
23.02.2026 04:39
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HOW CAN I BUILD A BEAR I’M NOT GOD
11.07.2025 01:20
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I was terrified of apes for YEARS after my dad took me to see this movie (he was mauled to death by a gibbon in the AMC parking lot)
19.02.2026 22:43
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I will never forgive Elon Musk for ruining twitter, a website I used to hate but now hate even more
20.02.2026 13:26
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"A tariff on both your Houses," says the demented old man, lashing out at the wrong branch of government.
20.02.2026 20:54
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windows pcs are generally for casual users who mostly use it for web browsing and maybe a little gaming. linux is nearly identical except there's no keyboard. macs are for hardcore experts and professionals who take on the toughest tasks, such as drawing three-dimensional rectangles and squares
20.02.2026 20:55
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"What's up with this picture of you? It looks like you have three butts"
Oh that's from my ... Triassic era
20.02.2026 20:34
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"Halls Of The Things" for the ZX Spectrum
"Hey, Dave, did you come up with a name for the new Spectrum game?"
"Sure did, boss. Real unspecific, just like you asked!"
20.02.2026 18:15
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[Scooby-Doo and the gang in Colombia]
FRED: *unmasking the phantom*
VILLAIN: I would've gotten away with it, if it weren't for you Medellín kids!
20.02.2026 18:11
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Dude.
20.02.2026 17:02
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