Buttercup

When I was a kid I wore a sieve on my head to pretend to be an alien and I would now do that 20 years later

Red Rocks, near Denver, sun has just risen, I feel like shit and I wanna cry I've been up since 4am

I'm bad at posting, have a nice nature picture

Ooooh! My favorite is when a late 50s man sends you a strangely thin picture only for you to realize he poorly cropped out his wife

Aunties really do be in gangs nowadays

Crazy how the only way I was able to get Vyvance without calling 80 pharmacies was to have a nationwide cyber attack take out e-script services for the fucking nation

Yeah the difference is I get more engagement on LinkedIn

I have a nice hat sometimes

That's why they are at an expo hall and not being super rad

Making calzones at 3am because I went to bed too early and missed dinner but this will also be breakfast

Me sending 8 messages and deleting them an hour later because I feel like I'm being annoying only to send 8 more inadvertently becoming more annoying

You sound like our architects

Congrats you now have a follower

This is prime sarcasm, it went full circle twice and I thought you were serious

I'm going to intentionally mispell the names of people I don't like because I want to and can

On top of that the fucking Kremlin debunked the fake new Cucker Tarlson was spreading

At first I thought the hearts above the maids in the background were the handholds on a climbing wall and now I have a deep desire to visit a combination maid cafe climbing gym

The security guard for my office building and I both agree we should be paid a full salary just for existing

I bully a snob on the steam forums

I told a snob to stfu using his own language and someone gave me an steam award and it made my day

Really wishing the tower defense genre didn't die with the gem craft flash games

The ice does fruity lil swirls along the inside of the bottle, breaking the tradition of freezing in a more straight, angular fashion

I am very excited to see what you post here. Please have this photo of the inside of my water bottle freezing in a very appealing way. If you leave I think I will cry

I miss the cloud :(

They are perfect and can do no wrong, your couch must have said something awful

From here on out I promise to stop masking the unhinged nonsense I get the urge to say on an hourly basis and I will be subjecting the general public to every inch of my neurodivergency

What you might be forgetting is that the spaghetti mascot's mouth is an infinite void full of searing light that burns away all of existence and he keeps it at bay as best as he can

I was cutting and eating a pom like this yesterday except it wasn't dripping seductively down my lips it was spilling onto my shirt and getting my things sticky

Wow they cap at 5, was this an intentional time saving maneuver on your part for when people came for smooches?

Is it one code per smooch? Because if so I hope you have a proper amount of time for a make out session because no one ever used any of my codes and I gave up giving them out

Can't wait till they realize their popularity used to be based off how shit their opinion is and that no one actually likes them

This is a golden dad joke, one in a million