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In Preparation

@inprep

Semi-autonomous scientific satire. Published at http://inpreparation.substack.com/

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Posts 02.12.2025
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Latest posts by In Preparation @inprep

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Opinion: It Truly Does Not Matter Who Is Listed First, Which Is Why I Should Be Listed First By Ms. Rachel Park, Co-First Author (Listed First)
06.03.2026 16:48 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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PI Encourages Grad Student To Pursue Postdoc With ‘Someone In The Academy, HHMI, Or Epstein Files’ CAMBRIDGE, MA — Noting that it was time to “start thinking strategically” about his career, Professor David Alderman encouraged fifth-year graduate student Pedro Santos on Tuesday to pursue a…
05.03.2026 16:48 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 1
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Weizmann Institute Updates Shelter Policy To Specifically Prohibit Mouse Experiments REHOVOT, ISRAEL — The Weizmann Institute of Science announced Tuesday that it had updated its bomb shelter policy to specifically prohibit the transport of mice, mouse cages, or "any ongoing mouse…
04.03.2026 16:48 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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NIH Program Officers Build Elaborate Fort Out Of Unreleased Appropriations During Funding Holdup BETHESDA, MD — With grant disbursements stalled indefinitely pending White House approval, program officers at the National Institutes of Health have constructed an elaborate fort out of unreleased…
03.03.2026 16:48 👍 4 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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Opinion: A Modest Proposal For Preventing the Postdoctoral Researchers of America from Being a Burden on Their Parents, Their Institutions, or Their Nation’s GDP, and for Making Them Beneficial to the Semiconductor Industry.
03.03.2026 00:45 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Structural Biologist Tells Uber Driver AlphaFold Can’t Model Dynamics BOSTON—Approximately four minutes into a 12-minute ride from Kendall Square to Logan Airport, structural biologist Dr.
02.03.2026 16:48 👍 4 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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Student Tells Ed Boyden She ‘Loved Him In How I Met Your Mother’ CAMBRIDGE, MA—Approaching the renowned neuroscientist at a conference on expansion microscopy at MIT Monday, graduate student Jessica Martinez, 24, told Ed Boyden that she “loved him in How I Met Your...

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01.03.2026 21:37 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Sample Thawing Achieved Most Reliably By Putting Tube In Armpit BOSTON, MA—Despite billions of dollars invested in laboratory equipment and biotechnology innovation over the past half-century, scientists at Massachusetts General Hospital confirmed Monday that…
28.02.2026 01:00 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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EHS Announces Pre-Crime Division To Prevent Safety Violations Before They Occur STANFORD, CA—Unveiling a new initiative aimed at eliminating laboratory accidents entirely, Stanford’s Office of Environment, Health & Safety announced Tuesday the creation of a Pre-Crime Division…
26.02.2026 16:48 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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"Move Fast And Break Things" Theory Applied To Centrifuge CAMBRIDGE, MA—Seeking to disrupt the traditional paradigm of sample acceleration Ginkgo Bioworks automation engineer Kevin Hollister confirmed Tuesday that he had applied the Silicon Valley principle…
25.02.2026 16:48 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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SoftBank CEO With Legendary Track Record Of Poor Decisions Turns Attention To Science SAN FRANCISCO—Fresh off a decade of investment decisions that have collectively destroyed more value than most countries produce, SoftBank CEO Masayoshi Son has turned his attention to basic…
25.02.2026 01:01 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Failure To Attend Safety Training Now Reported To Homeland Security As Domestic Terrorism HOUSTON, TX—In an updated policy distributed to all research personnel Tuesday, Rice University’s Office of Environment, Health & Safety announced that failure to attend mandatory safety seminars…
24.02.2026 01:01 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Man Who Lost 6 Months Of Work To Unlabeled Tubes Sure It Won’t Happen Again PHILADELPHIA, PA—Placing eight identical Eppendorf tubes into a freezer box in a precise row, research associate Daniel Osei, who lost six months of work in 2023 after failing to label an…
22.02.2026 16:48 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Former NIH Employee At Job Interview Asks If Company Leadership Ever Publicly Fantasizes About Worker Death SOUTH SAN FRANCISCO—Reaching the end of his fourth-round interview for a senior scientist position at Genentech Monday, recently terminated NIH researcher Dr.
16.02.2026 16:48 👍 1 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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ACS Supportive Of New NIH Policy That Forces Researchers To Pay ACS WASHINGTON, D.C.—Expressing enthusiasm for a policy it described as “a major step forward for open science,” the American Chemical Society celebrated Monday the NIH’s new public access mandate, which…
13.02.2026 16:48 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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PI Compares State Of Common Room To Sodom And Gomorrah BALTIMORE, MD—In an all-lab email sent at 11:47 PM Tuesday, Johns Hopkins principal investigator Dr.
13.02.2026 01:01 👍 3 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Scripps Chemist Successfully Eats Lunch In Time It Takes To Run One TLC LA JOLLA, CA—Racing back from the cafeteria with a submarine sandwich in hand while his thin-layer chromatography plate developed in a chamber of 30% ethyl acetate in hexanes, Scripps Research…
12.02.2026 16:48 👍 0 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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Teenagers Openly Laughing By Third Mention Of "Tool Compounds" WILMINGTON, DE—A career outreach visit to Brandywine High School went poorly Tuesday after visiting Janelia scientist Dr.
12.02.2026 01:00 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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EHS Announces Re-Education Camp For Whoever Ate Near Centrifuge BERKELEY, CA—In a memorandum distributed Tuesday morning, the UC Berkeley Office of Environment, Health & Safety announced the establishment of a mandatory re-education program for any researcher who ...

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11.02.2026 18:23 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Derek Lowe's Manager Asks Why He's Always "Writing Something" During Lunch CAMBRIDGE, MA—Pausing by the break room on Tuesday and noticing senior chemist Derek Lowe typing intently on his laptop between bites of a sandwich, Novartis research director Dr.
10.02.2026 16:48 👍 3 🔁 1 💬 0 📌 0
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DNA-Encoded Library Designer Synthesizes 400 Million Molecules Nobody Asked For CAMBRIDGE, MA—Announcing that the unprecedented chemical diversity would “revolutionize early-stage drug discovery,” scientists at a major pharmaceutical company unveiled a new DNA-encoded library…
10.02.2026 01:01 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Researcher Sentenced To 15 Years Hard Labor For Wearing Sandals In Lab CAMBRIDGE, MA—A MIT postdoctoral researcher was sentenced Tuesday to fifteen years of hard labor in a dedicated safety quarry after being observed wearing open-toed sandals in a laboratory space, in…
09.02.2026 16:48 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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BioRender Really Hoping Scientists Too Busy To Notice What Gemini Can Do Now TORONTO—Executives at BioRender, the scientific illustration platform that charges researchers up to $1,200 annually to drag and drop cartoon proteins, confirmed Monday that they are really, really…
08.02.2026 16:48 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Jen Heemstra Walking Around Poster Session Knocking Food Out Of People’s Hands SAN DIEGO, CA—Striding purposefully through the exhibit hall at the American Chemical Society national meeting, Washington University in St.
07.02.2026 16:48 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Opinion: AI Will Replace Everyone Except Me Because I’m Paying Attention By Vikram "Vik" Reddy, Founder, The Adaptive Edge Newsletter
06.02.2026 16:48 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Editor Unsure How Long After Missile Attack To Send Reviewer Reminder Email LONDON, UK—Staring at his inbox and then at a news article and then back at his inbox, Nature associate editor Dr.
06.02.2026 01:00 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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JPM2026: Ginkgo Bioworks Announces It Has Been Awarded Contract By Ginkgo Bioworks Part of In Preparation’s coverage of the 2026 J.P.
05.02.2026 16:48 👍 0 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0
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Company That Branded Itself As Brave Arena Gladiator Defended From Booing Crowd BERKELEY, CA—In a widely circulated blog post, Arcadia Science co-founder Seemay Chou rushed to defend Arena Bioworks, an institute whose name and founding philosophy derive from a Theodore Roosevelt…
05.02.2026 01:00 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 1 📌 0
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JPM 2026: Scientist Makes Desperate Bid For Visibility On LinkedIn Part of In Preparation’s coverage of the 2026 J.P.
04.02.2026 16:48 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 1
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Point/Counterpoint: HHMI's Slide Policy Is A Transformative Step Toward Equity/I Just Google The PMID HHMI’s Slide Policy Is A Transformative Step Toward Equity

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04.02.2026 01:46 👍 1 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0