Secretly Jay

I'm not depressed. I just hate everyone and everything

Maybe I’m just a banshee in a nurse’s uniform, you don’t know.

banned alternate ending logging on

have you become too strong for bluesky?

boy, are you a seagull because i want to fight you in a parking lot for the last hot dog

Acting mysterious when in reality I just lost my train of thought

just for ma.

I have not but I will be on the lookout for these

My new year's resolution to stop making old people noises is NOT going well.

Nice acronym you have there. It would be a shame if you lost one of your letters

In America, the phrase "work-life balance" refers to how fast you can eat a burger while crying in your car

Maybe the elixir of life is just these Thai Curry flavored cashews I'm currently eating by the handful.

blink once if you're posting against your will currently

Become insufferable? No, I want to become a thousand Lego pieces scattered around the most unexpected places in my enemies house.

64 minutes until I wander into Costco for “hamburger meat” and leave with a kayak

This is beautiful.

If not, then yours would be Lickitung.

I feel like we've discussed this before

Having chemistry with someone means banging them on the periodic table, right?

quite shy by nature I guess.

The floaties in my eyes have multiplied and now they all have names.

my superpower is inspiring people to talk while i’m talking

Happy bday!

Wife: *puts summer sausage in shopping cart*

Me: But you've barely touched my winter sausage!

Grandpa survived through lead and asbestos but microplastics is what did him in.

“i’m still punk” i whisper to myself as i turn down the music in my car so i can see better

Whoa whoa whoa… yea you are right.

We’re all whores here.

Do we have the same pedicurist?!?!

Bonus: he’ll leave you alone for three days but always comes back again.