Shylo

Like, months ago, I stood in line to appeal my property taxes, never heard anything again, and then got my same assessment. Which is exactly how I figured it would work.

Hey, is it time to schedule that preventative health care thing you've been putting off?

Perhaps the worst thing that my ex-husband did when he left (and the list is a doozy) is leaving a ton of homemade kimchi in the fridge.

Ooh! Time to drink the cup of Moon water that I left out on the porch. I will be invincible today!

I don't! I just hate how expensive everything is, have no taste buds, and run on cortisol.

A ventin is 20 ounces. With ice! And I don't have an ice tray!

My grinder broke, man!

I paid $20 for a thing of shitty store-brand ground coffee. It will last like six days. Going to Sbux will cost $30. That's a weird opportunity cost.

Only 60?!?

Is there a version of that Mumford and Sons song about rage sung by women?

Wow really? That's so cool.

I go apple picking there every fall!

You'd think it'd be passion fruit. Or papaya.

Finally saw a TV ad for someone other than Raja K.

At least Rubio looks ashamed all the time

Cool that he yelled at a disabled little girl to stand up.

I have never watched this person do this speech, but my kid is getting extra credit and I hate it

Is bro screaming into that mic?

You ever notice how some men smell like batteries?

This week's Summer House episode has a textbook example of DARVO. It's like a marriage and family therapy 101 class.

Today's a great day to collect your tax documents!

Wishing you luck on your quest

My garage door lock, like, broke? I honestly don't know how to approach this issue other than mix up a pitcher of Kool-Aid or invite a heavy metal band over.

Nobody mentioned it, but I laughed a lot, which made it 100% worth it.

My holiday cards this year had fishing lure stamps, which have VERY STUPID names, so that was fun for whomever got "Crankbait."

Have you seen the "art of skateboard" series?

I haven't been more irritated by a man in a long time.

Aldi makes a decent dupe of Grillo's. (Also a good dupe of Goodles.)

Do you have pickles? Just eat a pickle.

"Causing intense pain to oneself" is useful!