Mike Shields

I don’t know how else to say this but I do not give a fuck about golf videos.

4:20

I got Folgers in my cup for the first time ever and it 100% is not the best part of waking up.

Sabrina Carpenter: My give-a-fucks are on vacation.

Me: In this economy?

I don’t even think getting a hooooooo ya would make me feel better

What do you think the chances are that in the last 2-3 years somebody named their kid “Tariff”?

Seeing cyber trucks in the wild is the same thing as throwing up in my mouth. I hate it and I don’t know why it keeps happening.

Looks like we gotta get hotdogs at 7-11 AND Costco then!

If you can’t handle me at my 7-11 hotdog, you don’t deserve me at my Costco hotdog

Here’s a photo of tiny bb Cooper in case anybody needs a timeline cleanse

Hey @billionaires. Fuck you.

Me: wow, I wonder why my back hurts and why hip flexors are so tight.

Also me: lifts knee up to steer my steering wheel so I can use both hands to respond to a text

I just ingested 10mg of melatonin after traveling all day. Ask me anything

a woman wearing glasses and a watch is standing in a kitchen and giving a thumbs up . ALT: a woman wearing glasses and a watch is standing in a kitchen and giving a thumbs up .

Self checkout. More like “check self out” amirite

The twist ending at the end of Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 is a bigger twist than Sixth Sense and no I will not explain myself

Did anybody else watch season 2 of #rhythm+flow on #Netflix? I have feelings and wanna discuss.

You know that little sliced cheese separator thing? The piece of paper? Well I just ate half of one in my sandwich. That I made.

Bridesmaids is arguably one of the funniest movies alive. And if you don’t think so, I will argue with you.

Currently on vacation with the intent on relaxing only to find out that relaxing is actually incredibly hard to do. @science can you help?

I don’t know where this came from but I now have the irresistible urge to poop whenever I see a cyber truck.

That was definitely one of the boxing matches I have ever seen

Anybody else happy to be here?

If you like coffee and reading, especially reading about coffee, check out my review of Portland coffee roasters Push Pull and their cortado:
medium.com/@mokeshields...