Nah man you're good. You are not incorrect in what you say. I just got very few interests that I have strong passion towards. Plus previous experiences makes things harder just because of natural aversion to repeating past mistakes. I appreciate the words~
Anyway that's enough of the vent. Maybe I should talk to my friend when he's free sometime this century. Probably through voice because my god is text chat on serious topics is so unproductive and actively annoying with them lmao.
I also don't feel like some of my friends (most of them). Idk man. I have little interest in NSFW and the few things I might find interesting, it's super specific to like one drawing even if others fit into that category. I'm like the least furry, furry. I think.
He is not one to talk though >.> God nothing annoys me more than a "holier than thou" attitude. He engages, if not starts, these memes. Maybe not as much as me but at least I'm not as god damn oblivious lmao. I'm not even mad. Just freakin annoyed about that situation lol.
Last time I visited, one night he got oddly upset at me at making a meme joke. He apologized that next morning even though I didn't even remark upon his angry remarks the night prior. But man, that hasn't left my mind since I visited. Is that how he really feels. That didn't come from nowhere.
Along with having funds sigh. Wish I could make more money. But also, living with that friend scares me. Is it me not trusting them? Or that ultimately we wouldn't get along for that long period?
So outside of dnd hours and a FEW raid nights, I've been mostly hanging out alone. Even if I was with a group, I'd probably not talk much due to this jading feeling. Partly why I wanted to study abroad. But the thoughts of living with a friend made me hesitate.
I'm not like crying or constantly frowning. I'm not jealous or anything of friends going to a con since honestly I could've probably gone if I really wanted to but I decided not to. I think I just wish one of my closer friends made more of an effort to just... talk. Rather than for certain topics.
I give non-serious answer to questions, I make crude/inflammatory jokes, I'm not really "real" with others and that probably has to do with the thoughts that I feel like I have nothing real to offer. It kind of sounds depressing but I just feel oddly jaded for some reason.
I have no connections to help me achieve my dreams. I'm on my own and I don't know where to go. I'm envious of others who had connections/relations to help them progress through life. I'm just stuck like the way I am and I don't really know how to proceed from here.
I don't reach out to others but part of me justifies that because they don't reach out to me. I think that is partially true but I can't deny part of the blame is on myself as well. Even with my close friends. And here I am at nearly 34 years old working part time with like no goals in life.
I don't have any romantic relationships and I haven't really felt attracted to anyone in years now. I always thought I'd have at least my close friends but even now that feels in question. I guess part of it is that I don't act 100% genuine in front of others but also I'm pretty boring otherwise.
There are exceptions here and there of course but the norm is usually uninterested. Which now is fine for me other than I rather have not shown it in the first place to be honest. I at least am grateful I don't have extreme envy of other friends who gain more traction. I don't think I feel the need.
I rarely share my art nowadays except to my 5E dnd friends and I really appreciate that they love my art. Outside of them, feels extremely rare for someone to seem to genuinely like my art rather than giving me a "that's nice", almost non-interested response.
I'm worried I'm always existing in an alternating lifestyle. I am alone, then find friends that I become too dependent on, I adjust to that and seek alone time again, then find friends I become too dependent on, and now I'm back to being alone more often than not.
I have been feeling strangely lonely. In a way that's hard to describe. Friends are visiting other friends but these thoughts were already existing months even before then. I feel like I should be angrier or sadder about this but I almost feel nothing in a way.
I HAVE LATE NIGHT THOUGHTS THAT I FELT LIKE POSTING TO GET THOUGHTS OUT. It's just more of a personal vent thing that I want to post somewhere and probably delete later after I sleep on it. *ahem*
The Kecleon Shop
#Kecleon #comic #PMD #MysteryDungeon #ExplorersOfSky #Pokemon #PokemonArt
Beat M10S in party finder. Not bad considering first time doing healing and scholar for it for this group lmao.
youtu.be/UMNc5EdHepY?...
Can't believe they're dead 😩
M8S 2nd clear. Gotta figure out bard songs for P2 better 😩
www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvqk...
I finally beat M8S in party finder after so many hours of just so many bad groups 😭And the weapon drop was the bow so how lucky of me lmao
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Bard clear for M7S in party finder. I have a static but we've hit a wall on M6S and we only raid once a week so I usually try to PF on weekends to satisfy my RAIDING CRAVINGS.
youtu.be/6udqEjaK3HQ?...
