"NOOOOO," shouted the online gambling platform. the 15 year old had made the best move. he had made the best gambling move. the robot congratulated him, and the other teens wanted to kiss with him. "well," thought the teen, "i will kiss with them. i am, after all... THE PLAYER OF GAMES."
the lesson: if you’re going to go on a hair-trigger multi-post tirade you’ve got to be very sure you’re incisive or somewhat sure you’re funny
perfect terrarium for fake friends tbqh. they can plow into each other with their cars, laughing and laughing
all the baseball cap girls and girlbosses really need whiskey friday today
“whoa whoa whoa. it’s because we’ve been told we can’t successfully sue a 15 year old into bankruptcy for arbitrary contractual breach. yet”
dadsco you gotta go easier on someone born in 2020
less that it FUELS mistrust of apocalypse-accelerating churchos, and more that it INDICATES mistrust of them. my opinion is that you should consider wondering why that is
A lady is pushing the 'snart' (soon in Norwegian) on the 'helg' (weekend in Norwegian) machine, indicating a powerful feeling of snart helg ('soon weekend').
Let us celebrate our new arrangement with the adding of snart to helg.
ME: I'm bisque-pilled. I'm fully chowdered up. I'm caldomaxxing.
MRS. LOGINS: okay. why are you taking a picture of your food you never do that
ME: (under my breath) I'm The Soup
Enjoyer.
need a banger? i think you should leave x disco elysium - parking lot is a banger
getting into an out and out scraeming match with my 80 year old father in law about whether you can be considered a true poster if you’ve never used a personal computer. barfing crying as i smash up chafing dishes at this buffet as a rhetorical flourish
telling my kid this is how they animate bluey
BayBayFriend @baybayfriend.bsky.social susancruisin: I thought a frenemy was like a centaur of a person you like and a person you don't like 🤣 NevillsAdvocate : you look at the world so majestical 😂 onlyjudy: they have thos... and it's called the self 11:28 PM • Feb 16, 2026
Jennifer 🍄 @JenYetAgain@beige.party in 2017 a popular twitter game was to type a partial phrase then see what your phone auto-completes it with. this proved so popular that it is now the only business model in the US. Feb 9, 2026 at 4:35:18 PM
Handsome B. Charming @Richard57941301 EMT: so when you lost consciousness and fell down like an overwhelmed victorian woman me: i fell normal, i fainted in a normal way EMT: you put the back of your hand to your forehead and spun around me: that never happened i fainted in a normal or maybe even masculine way 6:07 PM • 2/4/23
ceej @ceej.online REPORTER: Sir, can you tell us what happened with the elephant? ME: (huddled in a space blanket) Of course: I was minding my business when the beast grabbed me with its trunk. My penis, exposed for unrelated reasons, functioned as a sort of axel by which I was rotated like a holiday noisemaker 12:27 AM • Feb 17, 2026
more mr. nice guy @juniorhoncho.bsky.social a bruised and bandaged Rand Paul finding out the neighbor who creamed him is a fellow chiropractor so he's required by professional code of conduct to describe his injuries as an exceedingly rare and unfortunate outcome of an incredibly safe, and totally legitimate, routine medical procedure 3:19 AM • Dec 6, 2025
snart helg
A happy 40th anniversary to the time Bulma ran Goku over with her car and then took out a gun and tried to shoot him to death
brianwaves: ok so I just learned about the AC/DC singer. your name is French for “good Scottsman” but you’re Australian??? 😂 it’s like pick a lane 🤣
gertrudeorgans: im glad you’ve decided to spread laughter with your ignorance. most people just let it kill them.
[dying next to raffi in a trench cradling an m249] I always knew it would be this way
Fire sale on off-season spells! We got spells of genital odor. We got spells to make dogs piss on command. We got finger rearrangers, we got uncle scrying, ignorant ghost seances. Everything must go at Tony Stregoni's Designer-Inspired Sorcery. You ain't gettin this mess from Tiktok baby
>bedazzle COAT with ANKH
one thing I like saying to my cats in admonishment is "you know the rules" when they very clearly do not know and will never know the rules
New sentence I have just spoken aloud to a cat: "Act like you've been here before."
YOU, DULLARD: Bonkers was a cop! Fuck him! Fuck Bonkers!!
ME, SERENE, WISE: Bonkers never wore pants or underwear while he was supposed to be in uniform. Most if not all of his arrests were invariably thrown out of court, bringing the system down from the inside
Threads thread: thriller_instinct 3d Is it okay to bully 40 and 50 year olds who are on social media just for being on it, cuz like why are you here - 254 Q 3.1K G 28 746 corporateash 18h ••• My ICQ UIN is 7231680. That number is burned into my consciousness. I inadvertently learned that you could see private conversations in public chat rooms when using Telnet instead of a browser on GeoCities. I can tell you the difference in audible dial-up handshakes between 1200, 2400, 14.4 kbps modems. I needed a edu email address to join Facebook after my university was admitted. We were here at the beginning. We made social media. You wouldn't be in my Top 8. I have usernames older than you. 852 Q62 G6 72
“I have usernames older than you.”.
Holy shit
An important academic update
Halal Truck Mr. Beast
Eldest boy has taken to sending me messages and emails sporadically that look normal but when opened are just Halal Truck Mr. Beast
