Jordan Lubov

The one creative thing I've been able to do still while - my #dailydoodle

I've been in an entirely un-creative mood this week and my newsletter needs to go out on the 15th. I haven't worked on it at all. And I can't pull my shit together to do it right now either.

I didn't feel well enough to drive her 30+ minutes to school this morning and back home, but I did feel better enough to make her a "fancy breakfast." Toaster waffles, whipped cream, cut up apples, and, of course, sprinkles.

Haha, I did not.

I slept all night. Didn't even get up to use the bathroom. It's been days since I really slept well because I couldn't breathe.

My mom makes dinner twice a week and we go downstairs to eat with her. Today, since I have the flu, she doesn't want me there and has sent up dinner on a tray for me. I mean, I get it, she's 80 and worried about her health, but I do feel a little bad for my husband now stuck down there alone.

Thank you!

Went to doctor. Confirmed the flu. Home until Tuesday.

I've been home, in bed all day, just watching TV. Can't remember the last time I had a sick day like this. Can't remember the last time I had the flu! It feels very much like when I was a teenager.

On the bright side, my mouth no longer tastes like temporary filling. But that's only because I can't taste anything at all anymore.

I can't sleep. This time, it's not racing thoughts or depression keeping me awake. I already called out from work tomorrow, so it's not that either. I'm just too hot and uncomfortable to sleep. I can't breathe properly and my nose is running. Sigh.

Thanks

Oh, well, here's the problem. It's not a cold.

I didn't read or write anything yesterday, breaking a months long streak that I had going. It sucked, but I couldn't get my shit together to do it. Today isn't looking too good so far either. I have a feeling I'm going to crash in bed by the time I get home.

It is so annoying when I spend time giving directions, but no one actually listens, and they are doing all the things I told them not to do. I know, they are just kids, but these directions are on their level and aren't difficult to follow.

Sometimes I wish someone, in administration preferably, would notice how bad I look and say "Shit, you don't look good, you should go home." It never happens.

Today would have been my friend's 44th birthday, but she's been gone since she was 40. When she turned 21, we went to a bar and when the waitress asked her what she'd like, she said "I don't know, something that comes with a sword." The bar had sword-shaped picks for fruit for the drinks.

Having a cold and a period and anxiety is making me feel so incredibly run-down. I am exhausted and congested and sweating like crazy. While at work. Trying to be productive.

About 5 years ago, I had a migraine at work. Mine are vestibular - more dizziness than pain. I called admin to cover my classes, and sat with a garbage can, puking intermittently. I couldn't move or drive myself home. I hope my admin remembers that time whenever I call out for a migraine.

I've now gone from being old enough to have had some of the youngest teachers in the building as my students to being old enough to be their mother.

There are types of pain that feel so good. Getting a massage, for instance - having the knot slowly worked out, feeling that digging in pain that loosens it all up, the relief after the pain. And spanking too.

I have to work late on Mondays. I brought myself a clementine for a snack - nice and healthy. Luckily, my coworkers brought snacks to share at the meetings and I also got a bunch of donut holes (munchkins) and a brownie. That was good.

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The level of tired today is out of control.

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This morning, the digital signs on the highway said things about not driving drowsy. But since I can't take a day every time I am too tired to drive, here I am.

I've only written half as many words so far this month as I did at this point last month.

I have a whole list of authory things to do - writing, editing, promos, publishing, scheduling. But I can't get my head into any one of them right now.

Organized pills for the week, made a shopping list, trimmed the younger kid's nails, unloaded the dishwasher, unloaded/put away groceries, folded a load of laundry. Feels like a good amount of choring done for a Sunday.