Kieran Gale

I know that commercialization ultimately destroys the sentiment behind holidays, but I think I might make an exception for the heart shaped pizzas they make for Valentine’s Day. That shit slaps.

It’s important to create your own little side quests while playing Bethesda games, which is why I just spent 30 minutes selling dozens of Potions of HRT to every merchant in the Imperial City of Cyrodil.

An animated frog from the game Animal Crossing. The frog has very big, bright pink lips and blue eyeshadow. She is a lovely frog who didn’t deserve to be compared to Laura Loomer.

This frog visited my island in Animal Crossing and my honest to god first reaction was “Ew, is that Laura Loomer?”

Then I immediately apologized to the frog because Laura Loomer WISHES she was Jambette and Jambette didn’t deserve that comparison.

A picture of colorful graffiti with a depiction of the Statue of Liberty and the words “Temu United States clearance everything must go!!”

I saw this on my Facebook feed and thought it was either a satirical art piece or a meme. After contemplating the intended meaning for a minute or so, I realized it was literally just a Temu ad.

It takes me on little experimental journeys sometimes and I just let it. It showed me hijabi styling videos for awhile and I was like “Hell yeah, I could be Muslim for all you know.” Sometimes it shows me Slavic videos and I’m like “Hell yeah, I could be Slavic for all you know.”

Keep ‘em guessing.

The TikTok algorithm periodically shows me videos in Spanish and I watch them every time because I don’t want the app to know too much about me.

Maybe I speak Spanish, maybe I don’t. It’s none of TikTok’s business. 🤷🏻

*in a public restroom. Everyone watched TikToks out loud while pooping in their own bathroom at home.

A wild ass sentence. Who watches TikToks out loud while pooping in the bathroom? I’m glad we shared this moment together though. If anyone ever asks me what I remember about Charlie Kirk being shot, this is what I’ll tell them.

Currently istening to one of my coworkers find out about Charlie Kirk as they’re watching TikToks while we’re both pooping in the bathroom.

A brown tabby cat laying on an empty pizza box.

The gremlin (Arya) seemed largely unaffected by our absence. But she did want cuddles when we got back.

A picture of a mostly white calico cat with the caption “Good cat of the week: Lyra. Politely entertained herself while we were gone overnight by bringing her toys into our bedroom.”

A picture of a black cat with the caption “Bad cat of the week: Crowley. Panicked while we were gone overnight, pooped in the shower, and peed on the papasan chair.”

We left the house for a little over 24 hours to celebrate our anniversary and here’s a summary of how the cats handled our absence.

Sometimes when a person dies it’s not a tragedy because the bastard actually deserved death.

James Dobson was one of those people.

#restinpiss

My hobbies include taking a gummy, following every beautiful woman that comes across my FYP on TikTok, and then getting overwhelmed if any of them follow me back. (I have so many beautiful mutuals. I don’t understand how this happened.)

Be the reason HR sends out an email saying that Kidz Bop covers are banned from the workplace. 😌

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I have yet to see the new Superman, but hearing people talk about it has helped me finally understand Lex Luthor for the first time in my life.

If obsession can inspire an assassination attempt on Reagan just to get Jodie Foster’s attention, it can explain all the bullshit that Lex gets up to.

Earlier this week at work, I was struggling to get a door to stay held open by the magnetic latch on the wall. One of my coworkers came over and said “Here’s the trick to getting it to stay.”

Without thinking, I responded “You have to be pure of heart, and I’m not.” 🫠

A fuzzy bumblebee gathers pollen from a yellow wildflower in my front yard.

When people ask me how I feel about our home, I often respond by enthusiastically telling them that there are at least five different types of bees in our yard.

It only recently occurred to me that the average person might not view this as a good thing.

In a groundbreaking new study, three out of three cats want to smell my dusty feet.

(I went to Greek Fest & accidentally stepped in a puddle while wearing sandals before walking around on gravel & dirt so my feet are coated in a layer of dust that the cats apparently find worthy of investigation.)

Pen and colored pencil illustration of an intense owl with gold and red eyes. The owl is perched on a branch and surrounded by an eldritch green light.

Owl Familiar for the #hauntedgardenartchallenge

A brown tabby cat sleeps in a round, grey Papasan chair in a colorful room.

I thrifted a big papasan chair yesterday and now I’m going to have to fight a poopy little gremlin every time I want to sit in it.

A little guy from the video game Katamari Damacy rolls around a ball made up of items he’s collected from around the room.

Life hack: no one can stop you from listening to the Katamari Damacy theme in your head while imagining how a tiny little guy would roll up all the items in the room up into an ever growing ball.

After a weekend of gardening, it really makes me appreciate just how nice it is to shake off my seasonal depression so I only have my regular depression to deal with.

A medieval painting of the side wound of Christ, which looks similar to the eye of Sauron, many Georgia O’Keefe paintings, and vulvas.

I scraped my pinky finger on one of its knuckle joints, causing it to heal weirdly. And unfortunately it’s now at the stage of the healing process where it looks like the side wound of Christ, which is to say that it also looks like a Georgia O’Keefe painting.

Being able to buy ready-to-eat Red Hot Chicago hot dogs from Home Depot feels like a fair trade to make in exchange for not having a Waffle House within 4 hours of where I live.

That and the whole actually having civil rights thing makes the Chicagoland area a nice upgrade from Oklahoma.

A hand drawn sharpie doodle of myself holding a plant and a garden trowel while singing “all my bitches love it, all my, all my bitches love it”. The garden trowel kind of looks like a butt plug.

Half assed artistic rendering of me working on the flower bed this afternoon while Teach Me How to Dougie played in my head on loop for 2 hours straight. Yes, I know the garden trowel looks questionable. I drew this in like 69 seconds, give me a break.

I think that anyone who picks hold music that has a looped melody shorter than 30 seconds should experience negative consequences for that choice. Because why would you do that?

A fat pikachu plush sits at a computer desk with headphones on. The pikachu is playing Minecraft.

Real gamer hours are upon us.

Is this possibly a form of dissociation? Don’t worry about it! Just vibe to the opening guitar riff.