Karen

Great article.

Defence is more accurate. If a victim questions ‘if they too are abusive’ because of how they respond, I remind them it’s about intent. Their response is about protecting, being heard & seen & to get it all to stop. The abuser creates it all to harm, dominate & control the victim.

John Hunt pays tribute to daughter’s bravery as killer jailed for triple murder Kyle Clifford given whole-life order for killing Louise Hunt, her sister Hannah and their mother, Carol

🧵1/4

The most dangerous time for a victim is often after they leave an abusive relationship.

The murders of Carol, Hannah, and Louise Hunt by Kyle Clifford are a devastating reminder of this reality.

#VAWG is a national crisis. It has to be treated as such.

ow.ly/atgv50VgeYT

If I’d had to engage with my abuser in any way after leaving it would have retraumatised me & impeded my healing. Whoever led the sessions would need to be fully trauma & abuse informed and we know that would never happen. It’s wrong & harmful on so many levels

Thank you. It’s frustrating & infuriating that FC (or anyone advising them)would even consider this as a viable option. The trauma victims sustain from their abuse takes years to recover from. The abuser would manipulate the sessions & try to hold all the power & lie & deflect their behaviours .

This is a terribly dangerous idea! Therapy with my abuser was total hell. He triangulated the therapist against me, then went on to manipulate me & weaponise everything I’d said in the sessions to deliberately cause me maximum harm. 100 times worse afterwards - which is why it’s not recommended.

I agree! I started watching it around the time both my parents died. Season 2 was fab & I think I cried every episode of Season 6.

Such a wonderful series! To be honest, I’ve thought about watching it all again.

Abusers constantly change the rules. One day they want one thing, but when you deliver, it’s suddenly not enough. They move the goalposts so you’re always striving to meet impossible standards, feeling inadequate and off-balance, never able to satisfy them.

#CoerciveControl

Not everything is as it seems with a controlling abuser - even gestures, gifts, and generosity can come with a hidden agenda.

#coercivecontrol #emotionalabuse

How does this keep happening time and time again? I repeatedly have women telling me about councils denying them support when leaving an abuser. It makes it so difficult for victims to leave as they literally have nowhere to go.

It doesn’t help when abuse service providers don’t even understand the complexity of abuse. They quoted the 7 attempts to leave & told me that as I had left & gone back more than 7 times they’d no longer support me & not to bother contacting them again. Left me with nowhere to get help for 2yrs

Well done ladies. Well deserved.

You don't have to "believe in yourself" at all times in trauma recovery. You're gonna doubt yourself. I doubt myself. It happens. It's normal.

Here's what I DO always believe, though: in every moment of decision, I CAN make a choice, even a small one, that supports my recovery.

A known dangerous repeat offender. They need to be on a register. All new partners warned through Clare’s Law. This was an 8 stages homicide.

Agreed. There’s still far too many post domestic abuse victims being stalked by their ex abusers & stalking incidents not being investigated or taken seriously by the police.

This constant narrative prevents victims speaking out. They fear their experience not being believed because we repeatedly see the “nice bloke” or “the man with money/power” versus the “oversensitive woman” and victim blaming/shaming culture playing out time after time. Enough is enough!

SafeLives 16 Days Post with image of women smiling and text that reads "what is an Idva?"

SafeLives 16 Days Post with text that reads "An Independent domestic violence advisor (Idva or Idaa in Scotland) works alongside victims/survivors throughout their journey to safety and recovery, providing both emotional and practical support".

Today is the beginning of 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women and Girls, and White Ribbon Day.

We’re shining a light on the role of Idvas/Idaas and their life-changing work supporting victims/survivors of domestic abuse.

My IDVA was my lifeline when I left my abuser & went through court proceedings. I will be eternally grateful for her help, support, kindness & patience at the worst time of my life. She kept my head above the water while I was drowning in the after effects of trauma. IDVAs are pure gold!

I recognised my partner was abusive long before my heart caught up & said no more. Don’t allow yourself to feel regret for feeling stuck & not leaving sooner. Look back at that version of you with kindness & compassion. You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. #DomesticAbuse

An abuser creates an environment in which they are the sole source of solace or comfort to their partner.
So, the victim will work hard to preserve the relationship as it is their only means of maintaining connection and fulfilling the deep and human need to belong.
#DomesticAbuse #CoerciveControl

I can remember repeatedly saying to the police officer taking my statement “He deliberately hit my surgery site. He deliberately did it. That’s pure evil.” It was a shock but it propelled me to a happy & fulfilled life away from him & is why I now advocate for domestic abuse victims.

His final act of abuse was so abhorrent that I finally realised he was making a deliberate choice to hit a 2wk old surgery site to maximise my pain. It was so calculated, I couldn’t excuse it “as an accident”. It was like the scales falling off my eyes & seeing the whole truth all at once.

This evil abuser strangled his former partner in front of their baby This evil abuser strangled his former partner in front of their baby - now she can finally tell her story

🧵 “I thought I’d rather be dead than leave him. He felt like a god to me, but now all I see is evil.”

Kayleigh, 20, endured months of horrific abuse from her ex-partner Callum Cummings, who tormented her throughout her pregnancy and beyond.

You don’t have to have everything all figured out at once. Just focus on taking the first step & keep facing the sunshine.

When you’re considering leaving or when you first leave, it can feel totally overwhelming knowing what to do, when and how. Taking each day, one at a time, even an hour, minute or second at a time, will develop the momentum you need to keep moving forward, one small step at a time.

Our trauma & pain being seen, heard & recognised by others is incredibly powerful & impactful for our recovery

Me too! The book is beautiful with so many life affirming lessons and quotes inside

My personal favourites are the ones who minimise & deny covid as being anything but a cold. Then after getting a ‘non-covid cold’, they then relentlessly complain how they’ve got this cough & cold that they “just can’t shift”.