Spillane

as a guy who believes in the spiritual and metaphysical aspects of tobacco/nicotine, my strongest recommendation is you are better off never touching the stuff again

In these times of international strife I drift to dreamland soundly knowing that as I slumber, the board of peace has collected the best minds of my generation feverishly working to get to the bottom of a case of mallomars

I can't believe I'm going to see World War Fucking 3 before I see the Leafs make a Cup Final

The Leafs decided that what they needed to push their team deeper into the playoffs was a coach who sucked ass and a GM who just finished destroying another team but is the failson of a Canadian restaurant magnate. Now they're not making the playoffs and their roster sucks

Every league in every sport on the planet has that one franchise which serves as a cautionary warning for the others on how not to run a team. The NFL has the Browns, MLB has the Rockies, and the NHL has the Toronto Maple Leafs.

There are many, many reasons why the Toronto Maple Leafs are never going to win a cup in my lifetime but they all rest on a solid foundation of stuff like this. A house built on dogshit.

For anyone keeping score at home, your Toronto Maple Leafs playing out of Toronto traded a player for a conditional 3rd round pick just a year after trading a 1st round pick to get him.

Today everything is different. There's no action. I have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food. Right after I got here I ordered some sunflower seeds and I got salted oatmeal. I'm an average nobody. I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.

As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a Ham-Ham. To me, being a Ham-Ham was better than being
President of the United States. It meant being somebody in the neighbourhood that was full of nobodies. They weren’t like anybody else. I mean, they did whatever they wanted.

Stardew counts as Animal Crossing, which took a real nosedive in my defining games ranking after new horizons

These fine fellas right here

[earnestly, with unblinking eyes] I'm your biggest fan I'll follow you until you love me

[Fozzie Bear, nervously scrunching his jaw] aha ha....haa.....KERMIIIIIIIIITTT

Paparazzi by Lady Gaga (2008) is a song about me shadowing puppet comedian Fozzie Bear

I'm readying my arquebus and standing by

True story I haven't been back to Popeyes ever since they took red beans and rice off the Canadian menus. Baffling decision, I was mad then and I'm mad now

Run to the Hills: colonial perspective of the genocidal conquest of the American continent

Fear of the Dark: the house can get pretty spooky without a nightlight

*strokes wispy beard long turned white due to more sports misfortunes any soul should bear* never count your chickens before they hatch, games all tied up

A spectacular try, but not taking the bait here. Though I can hear some muffled screaming coming from the Leafs jersey in my closet

Zoomers with broccoli cuts packing their bags to fight for a cause they believe in like Hemingway in the Spanish Civil War

Six flags old man guy gets out and starts doing fortnite dances over my body while kicking me in the nuts

Stretching out my arms and closing my eyes in surrender as the vengabus barrels towards me at 120mph.

Leonardo DiCaprio tragically passes away following a dead short electrocution after sticking his dick into a USB drive. Prospect of having sex with a 2 year old presenting as a 22 year old model "too good to be true"

Tilly Norwood found dead at Habbo Hotel penthouse. Initial autopsy report indicates toxic levels of cringe circulating in its coding.

they say you can find more stars in hollywood than in the night sky itself #oscar

Squad

Rolling with the punches since 1996

Can't Somebody Else Do It has got to be the rallying cry of this era by a comfortable margin. Trickles into every facet of our lives.

Asking a sommelier presenting me with a 60 year old wine what's wrong with it. Why would nobody drink it. Collecting dust in the cellar. Even the spiders wouldn't touch it. And you want to sell it to me? Do you think I'm a moron. Sprite please, and leave the bottle

He's from Illinois

The mgs4 rerelease is a good opportunity to spread generational misinformation. Millenials are so old that they loved playing old men in fantasies. They liked this version of solid snake best because of his sciatica and being consistently medicated.