Lived out both my wildest dream and worst nightmare today when both of my cats (sworn enemies) sat on me at the same time, hissing and exchanging evil glares. It was as exhilarating as it was terrifying, and I need to document that THIS HAPPENED.
I’m so glad I had the foresight not to do elf on the shelf with my kids. Well, good luck to the rest of you, and Godspeed. 🫡
Busting out the Christmas decorations and gazing upon my graveyard of globeless snowglobes. My kids have really never met a snowglobe they couldn’t break.
I’m just a mom, standing in front of my kids’ schools, asking them not to do spirit week the same week as Halloween.
Beans in the trap, beans, beans, in the trap. Beans in the trap, beans, beans, in the trap. 🫘
Whether I am 16 or 36, Adam Brody still does it for me 100%. Why do men age like this and I age like milk?
How’s that “swamp draining” coming along? 🤔
Good morning to all the Seth Cohen girlies out there, and happy Nobody Wants This season 2 premiere day to all who celebrate! 🙌
Listen, I’m a Folklore girly through and through. But I’m also a ho for 1989 and Rep, and WE ARE SO BACK. This album makes me want to go for a hot girl walk.
Wood is so catchy—love the Jackson 5 vibe. Anyway, on a TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE, congratulations to my close personal friend, Taylor Swift.
Fr fr. But only if he plays Albuquerque.
Maybe he got stuck in the brunch line.
Me: “I totally have a grip on reality. Like I’m a Swiftie, but I’m not *weird* about it, ya know.”
Also me, today, after seeing that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce are engaged:
Tbh, clowning and trying to decipher clues is half the fun of being a Swiftie. Like what does it all meeeeeeeeeeeean? What’s behind the orange doooooooooooor? 😭
Y’all ever wake up in the middle of the night to find a random af cat you’ve never seen before just standing in your living room and trying to start a fight with your cats, or is that just me? 😳
Big day for insufferable people. Aka Swifites. We are so back, girly pops! 🤌
Nobody talks about the dog person to weird cat lady pipeline. What happened to me? Why am I holding this cat and rocking her like a baby? This used to be a proper household.
Started a new job last month and today I successfully automated some basic but time consuming tasks through make.com. I feel like a magician. Is this what dopamine feels like?
You can tell I’m chronically online because my four-year-old walks around the house yelling “nothing beats a Jet 2 holiday!” and “do it lady!”
His last thing on Earth? Man. One can only hope.
My Spotifiy Daylist this afternoon is called “90s movies golf Saturday afternoon.” Where do they come up with the names for these? It’s like a Weezer, Blink-182, Foo Fighters, Sublime mix. Are they trying to tell me this is Millennial dad rock or…? Am I becoming a millennial dad?
Free my boi Luigi
What ever happened to murder hornets? I feel like I dreamt that. Was that a collective hallucination or…?
Didn’t know that a Pedro Pascal mirror booty shot was what I needed this evening, but 20/10. Perfection. No notes. Frame it. Put it in a museum.
So if you aren’t willing to ride with me on a janky homemade Frankenstein’s monster tandem bike made from random old bike parts that may fall apart at any second, then don’t even bother.
I just learned that my Grandpa had to sell his sports car to pay for his last year of college, but built a tandem bike so he could still take girls on dates. The ladies were—for obvious reasons—not very impressed. But you know who didn’t care? My grandma. And they pedaled all around town together. 🥹
Hi, I cannot stress enough how badly I need teenagers to stop calling me “ma’am.” How can I be a “ma’am” when I’m just a wee little 36-year-old teen mother?!
