KnewNic🖕🏼🧊

Why don’t all colors have emotions? What makes red, green and blue so special

To: All Staff
Subject: Marketing

We've rebranded the Murder Hornets as the Buzz Kills™️
Please note updated signage in the apiaries.

Granola bars are excellent for scooping peanut butter into my mouth

Norman Rockwell’s “Freedom of Speech” painting. Guy standing to speak in a crowd.

“Please don’t break my arm. I’m just talking.”

Shit's about to go down...

I put these two assholes outside when I left for the gym. They opened the side door into the garage, then opened the door from the garage to the laundry room, and finally opened the door from the laundry room to the hallway. This is where I found them when I walked in. 🤦🏻‍♂️

The New MAGA NAZI ICE leader 🥴

U.S. Representative Markwayne Mullin HIDES behind a chair in the House chambers as rioters enter the U.S. Capitol on Jan 6, 2021 PROVIDED/C-SPAN

The MAGA PEDOPHILE PROTECTOR was there TO OBJECT to Joe Biden being the duly elected President of the United States

Me belting out the lyrics to Orange Crush:
🎶 Collar me, don't collar me🎶
Every would-be dom who’s ever wanted to dom me:
*confused*

Wait. They are releasing Epstein files to distract Americans from the war in Iran now?

Went to the Bone Temple and they were worshipping your mom

i just took a deep breath and got charged 20 bucks

But, but… I wanted to be Secret Special Assistant Envoy to Captain America’s Shield of the Whole Bottom Part of the Western Hemisphere!!!

yeah you’re down bad, but are you air frying leftover mcdonald’s at 9:30 down bad?

imagine killing people over the juice that makes cars go

Can I fucking tell y'all this was not the fucking plan

Did you just sniff my tits???

- me, to someone within tit-sniffing distance.

8:00: starts work

8:07: works out how long until home time

8:08: can’t do mental maths this early

8:30: yeah, this is a much easier
increment to calculate

8:31: feels deflated again when I work out the answer

one day is enough of a tolerance break right?

Can’t imagine what life would be like without my so-called “friends.”

I'm never worried about anyone from the internet recognizing me in public because I only wear my beard at home.

No, for the last time, I am not using Just For Men on my beard. I will, however, continue to use it on my pubes.

Imagine your parents hating you so much they name you Markwayne.

The blood flooded elevator scene…

The passage of space is when you knock over a drink, fall out of a chair, catch your pants as your suspenders snap off. Kinda sounds like time broke up with you

I should be able to send my cats memes

There is always someone at the ready to remind you of some shit from your past that you were trying to forget.

*pointing to a single basket*
Me: These are my eggs.
*a majestic hawk elegantly swoops down to effortlessly carry my eggs away*
Me: Well, fuck.

Congress: Did you fuck Corey Lewandowski?
Kristi: Fuck him? I barely Noem!

Hard to reach places? You mean like, enlightenment?

Cave art with text that says we have been going through some shit since the dawn of time.

The human condition